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Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
Count ’em: 12 years
of yuks and yucksNewspaper history (or a monumental error, some would argue) was made 12 years ago tomorrow -- Sept. 10, 1991 -- with the publication of the first "Honolulu Lite" column.
I'm sure Star-Bulletin editors would have launched a big front-page celebration of "Honolulu Lite's" anniversary had they not been preoccupied with the anniversary of a more noteworthy event, the one that happened on Sept. 11, 2001.
I started writing "Honolulu Lite" after years of being a hard-news reporter and sometimes editor with the idea that if I could just bring a small smile to a single reader's lips, perhaps even a chuckle or two, the world would be a better place and I wouldn't have to cover any more of those boring late-night meetings.
The editors were leery. Humor? There's no place for humor in a daily newspaper. Laughter doesn't sell papers. Death and destruction sell papers. And supermarket coupon advertisements.
But they let me try it. That was roughly 1,657 columns ago, and, say what you will about the quality of humor in "Honolulu Lite" in the past 12 years, that's still a lot of typing.
For those of you who keep track of newspaper column minutiae (I'm sure there are legions), "Honolulu Lite" almost wasn't "Honolulu Lite." The first names considered for the column included "Up Chuck," "Hokey Poke," "Charley's Angles," "Latitude 21, Attitude 0" and "Confessions of a Big Fat Haole." The last one, I believe, was warmly suggested by Dave Donnelly, who was absolutely thrilled to have another columnist in the paper.
OVER THE YEARS, "Honolulu Lite" won many awards that humility, decorum and a number of out-of-court settlements prevent me from dwelling upon. But the awards mean absolutely nothing to me compared with letters I receive from readers, like the fellow who was so distressed at a column making fun of moped riders that he threatened to shoot me with a .357 magnum.
I covered underworld crime for years, met three professional hit men and never received a death threat. Make fun of some lunatic's mode of transportation, and he's ready to blow you away with a hand cannon. That's humor for you.
I guess the most surprising thing I discovered about writing a humor column is how many people you tick off. I recently wrote a column about Dutch police finding a bag of 2,000 rotting baboon noses at an airport, and would you believe one reader didn't think it was funny? Come on! A bag of baboon noses?
The "Honolulu Lite" motto has always been "Great Feeling, Less Taste," and I think I've done pretty well at fulfilling at least half that promise. I'd like to say I look forward to another 12 years of "Honolulu Lite," but frankly, I'm getting old and grouchy and if I can just keep cranking it out until to 2010 without any moped-related assaults, that would be pretty good.
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
