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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
A perfect joke should
offend almost everyoneA reader shares the following racially insensitive joke: Two haole-Portagee-Japanese-Chinese-Samoan-Filipino-Tongan-Hawaiian-Guamanian cops pull a car over for speeding in Waikiki. The cop filling out the ticket asks his partner, "Hey, bruddah, how you spell Kalakaua?" The other cop says, "Beats me. Why?" The first cop says, "I have to write it in here or we cannot give this guy the ticket." The other cop thinks for a while and says, "Bruddah, I got it. We let this bugga go and stop him later on King Street."
Amid groans of politically correct outrage, on to the news:
Weird doings in Jackson
JACKSON, Mich. (AP) >> A dancer at a much-protested downtown strip club could face an assault charge after a patron claimed she squirted him in the face with breast milk. But so far, police have not received a complaint from the man and cannot charge the dancer."It would be up to the victim to call us, and he hasn't," said Deputy Chief Matt Heins. The club, which opened after a legal battle with the city, is named the School House.
(Ironically, the high school is named Club Buy Me Drinkee.)
Nude dude takes a hike
LONDON (AP) >> Despite being arrested eight times, a 44-year-old man is continuing to walk the length of Britain in the nude. Wearing little more than sunscreen, socks, boots and wristbands and carrying a large backpack, Steve Gough says the trek is to celebrate the joys of nudity. Since starting the walk, he's spent seven days in jail and had a psychiatric exam.(Other than wearing a hat, wristbands, socks, boots and a pack that covers him from head to tush, he's completely naked.)
Tail of the flying pooch
NEW YORK (AP) >> Trained hawks employed to keep pigeons from making a mess on visitors in a New York park have been grounded after one hawk swooped down and scooped up a pet Chihuahua.(Who said hawks were bad?)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
There are 30,000 chronic users of the drug "ice" in Hawaii. There are 60,000 homeless. There are 359,000 cars on the road. 536,000 people wear hats. 1.2 million residents eat laulau for lunch. And 9.34 million island statisticians generate miles of silly numbers.
Quote me on this:
(Cat Division)
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." -- Jeff Valdez
"Dogs think they are human. Cats think they are God." -- Mr. Anonymous
"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your computer." -- Bruce Graham
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
