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Alo-Ha! Friday

Charles Memminger

Friday, April 25, 2003


Big Island’s hangin’
judge is left out to dry


I had a feeling that when Hilo Circuit Court Judge Riki May Amano sentenced a burglar to 125 years in prison for missing a court date, she wouldn't be occupying the bench much longer.

As one who often chides Hawaii judges for their lax sentences, Judge Amano's 125-year sentence for Paulino Evangelista was a stunner. I mean, killers don't get 125 years. Or even 25. It was my first chance ever to pair the words "harsh" and "sentence" in one column.

Now we learn Judge Amano is being stripped of her black muumuu. She will not be reappointed to a new 10-year term. Too bad. Every state needs at least one hangin' judge.

Now the news:

Phone call was deadly

NAIROBI, Kenya (Reuters) >> Three Kenyans died trying to retrieve a mobile phone that slipped down an open-pit latrine while its owner answered a call of nature. The owner offered 1,000 shillings ($13.09) to anyone who would recover it. The first to try failed to resurface after climbing down a ladder into the latrine. His friend went to his aid but slipped and fell. A third died trying to rescue the others. Police said the fumes inside the pit must have been poisonous.

(And you thought using a cell phone while driving a car was dangerous.)

This ice cream IS sinful

BERLIN (Reuters) >> Catholic Church leaders are upset Germans now can get two scoops of lust or a scoop of sloth.

An ice cream maker has named seven flavors of its product after the seven deadly sins.

"These sins are serious matters. We cannot support something that advocates turning away from God," said a church spokesman.

"Our ice cream has nothing to do with religion. They are just seven great flavors of ice cream," the company said.

(Plans for the Big Buddha Banana Split, the Holy Moses Hot Fudge Sundae and the Ayatollah That's A Big Cone! are in the works.)

'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:

Fan mail concerning my column on the Billabong "biggest wave" contest included this love note from France: "Stay forever idiot American like you are." See Sunday's "Lite" for similar missives from our humor-impaired French friends.

Quote Me on This:

"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts." -- G.B. Burgin




Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com



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