A forum for Hawaii's
business community to discuss
current events and issues
A forum for Hawaii's
business community to discuss
current events and issues
You talkin' to ME? | Help your child read
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You talkin' to ME? It's sad to say that the terms "conflict" and "confrontation" make some people very uncomfortable. Many people dislike conflict so much they will go to great lengths to avoid it. They'll postpone regular medical check-ups, for example, even though there's a strong history of cancer in their families.
Avoiding conflict
can be dangerousBy Irwin Rubin
It's as if they believe that the examination itself will cause the disease to appear.
ILLUSTRATIONS BY DAVID SWANN / DSWANN@STARBULLETIN.COM
With organizations, conflict avoidance can take a variety of forms. These range from the passive, taking a deep breath and ducking one's head; to more active forms like placating, "It's just a semantic difference! We're really saying the same thing."; to putting off the issue, "We need more data before we can decide. Let's table it."; or to pulling rank, "We've discussed this enough. We'll do X."
Autocratic leaders, like managers who deal with conflicts by pulling rank, will often generate very high levels of interpersonal tension that gets hidden behind forced smiles. In the apparent absence of conflict that follows, what is really apathy then gets classified as team harmony.
After reviewing hours of videotaped senior management team meetings, I've discovered that sometimes these avoidance strategies can get pretty subtle. The next time you're in a meeting and the "heat goes up" even a little bit, watch what happens.
Notice how many qualifiers you begin to hear. Watch the word "I" virtually disappear, replaced by the universal and far safer word, "We."
Listen for tentative questions as they replace declarative statements like, "Maybe we might want to do ..."; "Do you think maybe we should do ..."; "Perhaps if we were willing to look at it this way..." And listen carefully to humor as it arises, with its hidden double meanings.
Remember your high school days in the chemistry lab? If you took the Bunsen burner off the heat too quickly, you might miss the catalytic reaction; if you left it on too long, the vial would crack. We face the same challenge in effective conflict management. Sensitivity to timing and the skills to discern the shifting of consequences are qualities that can and must be learned and practiced.
Consider, too, that confrontation has its roots in the Latin term, frons, meaning the forehead. So, confrontation really means, "putting our foreheads together." (Remember the old adage, "Two heads are better than one"?)
When two stags are "butting heads" in the forest, their purpose is not really to harm each other; they're actually collaborating by helping each other get "sharper." Their "play" makes them better prepared to beat off their natural enemies. Effective and constructive confrontation in an organization can also result in sharper ideas, the kind needed to stay ahead of the competition.
Avoiding conflict not only prolongs a problem, it causes it to get worse, and, along the way, prevents the discovery of many creative opportunities. That's a lose-lose "dis-ease" that organizations in search of excellence can ill afford.
Irwin Rubin is a Honolulu-based author and president of Temenos Inc. His column appears monthly in the Honolulu Star-Bulletin. Reach him at temenos@lava.net.
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Between 9 percent and 19 percent of American adults are functionally illiterate, according to Hawaii Literacy Inc. Functionally illiterate people are more likely to have lower paying jobs and lower standards of living. Want your child
to grow up and get
a good-paying job?
Teach her to readBy Mary Kelly
Furthermore, the increased amount of information in the market mandates that managers and employees sift through greater and greater amounts data.
Hawaii Literacy Inc. provides free training to adults. Call 537-6706 or see www.literacynet.org/hilit/ Resources
Those who enjoy reading are able to perform this critical task with ease, those who struggle are at a economic disadvantage.
All of this points to the need for parents and other adults to assist and encourage the children they care about to read and to enjoy reading.
A child's most important learning starts well before he or she goes to a classroom. Parents or guardians are the earliest and most influential people in a child's life. They play the singularly most vital role in encouraging reading. But many parents don't know how to start.
>> Read to children every day. Even when they are babies, daily reading helps expose children to words. The repetition helps children become familiar with words, and they recognize them later when they see them written down. Associating words with pictures helps too. For example, point out a picture of the president of the United States and say the words.
>> Use playful words, songs, games and gestures to help children learn about language and its uses. Make talking and reading part of play time.
>> Reading should not be a chore or a punishment. This only makes children resistant to books. Instead, try alternating activities, such as "Okay, we're going to read for 15 minutes and then we'll go to the park."
>> Point out printed words in places other than books, such as in stores, at church or on signs.
>> Always be prepared to read. Parents often find themselves with free time outside the house.
Make sure to bring children's books and reading materials with you whenever you leave the house so children always have books and writing as entertainment.
>> Create a special place in the house, near the rest of the family, where the child knows he or she always has a few favorite books and crayons and paper.
Reading and writing should be part of family fun. Sending children to their room to read when the rest of the family is watching television can be a negative experience. Make the place for reading materials a focal place.
>> Set a good example. If you read, your child will too. Read books, magazines and newspapers, and point out interesting pictures and articles to the child.
>> Go to the library. Many Hawaii libraries have terrific children's sections with great reading programs. Take advantage of them and alternate the books you read to your children. Allowing children to select books they want helps them develop an interest in reading.
>> Turn off the television. Although many shows are educational in nature and help children identify letters, words and numbers, many families turn on the television out of habit.
Make sure you know what your children are watching, and limit their time. There are many educational videos available for free borrowing at Hawaii local libraries.
>> Talk to your children about the content of the books and listen to their thoughts. This helps them develop cognitive ability and improves parent-child communications.
If you don't know what books to start with, ask your child's school administrators or teachers, or a local librarian. Bookstore Web sites also offer age-appropriate recommendations.
Early reading makes school much easier, both at the early and the later stages. I can tell in my college classes who reads with ease and who struggles to get through 20 pages. I feel sad for those college students who need much more time to get through assignments because they never learned to enjoy reading as a child, and therefore read slower than their peers.
Parents can help their children be more successful in school and later in life by instilling an early love of books.
Mary Kelly teaches economics and finance for Hawaii Pacific University and can be reached at mkelly@hpu.edu.
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