’Net Junkie
Watch out for
pornographic furnitureHaving an Internet hookup at your place of work can be both a blessing and a curse. While it's always been a tremendously useful resource, having instant sports scores and virtual shopping malls at your disposal can be a huge distraction. What's more, it's entirely possible that sooner or later, one of those pesky, unsolicited "free nude celebrities" pop-ups could appear on your monitor just as your supervisor walks past your desk.
Being caught browsing through www.furnitureporn.com may not get you fired, but you're guaranteed to be the talk of the office for the next pay period. Assuming you're not offended by a few R-rated words (trust me, there's no nudity here -- at least not in the conventional sense), Click on www.furnitureporn.com/warning.html and confirm the following: "I understand that by clicking 'Enter' I am acknowledging that I am a computer nerd over the legal age of consent and too scared to go inside a store and buy real pornography."
Once you've read all the legal mumbo jumbo, click on "Yes! I want to see hot, triple XXX chair-on-chair action!" and you'll be greeted with "Welcome to the HOTTEST site on the Web for hardcore furniture action! If you're ready to see some hot, horny home furnishings get their freak on, then you're in the right place!! You won't believe what our furniture will do! It'll make you pop your springs and throw your pillows!! Below is just a taste of what you'll get as a member. 100s more pics inside!!! JOIN NOW!!!!"
You may be enticed by free sample pics of "hot all-chair action," including "The Bondage Seat." No one's really engaged in any kind of deviancy here, although accessing a set of photos of an office stool tied up and hung from the ceiling may qualify you as depraved by some. Click on "Hot outdoor action" for pics of two lawn chairs in a variety of unusual positions.
Comments range from "This is the best site I could have ever stumbled upon while shopping the 'Net for unfinished furniture. A+ for creativity and wit from a schoolteacher" and "I will never see my sofa in the same way ever again" to "Dude! This is sick!"
Can't get enough? For other equally absurd sites, try furnitureporn.com's links to "Wild Wicker," "Knob Lovers" and "The Cabinet Cave -- Get in our drawers!" Just make sure your boss isn't looking over your shoulder.
’Net Junkie drops every Monday.
Contact Shawn "Speedy" Lopes at slopes@starbulletin.com.
Note: Web sites mentioned in this column were active at time of publication. The Honolulu Star-Bulletin neither endorses nor is responsible for their contents.
