’Net Junkie
Hey, fast-food workers
are human, too'Yeah, gimme a Whopper with no onions ... and some onion rings ... and fries with no salt ... and five packets of salt!"
Anyone who has ever endured the frustration, humiliation and drudgery of a minimum-wage fast-food job (and who hasn't?) can identify with the creator of Flame Broiled: The Disgruntled Ex-Burger King Employee Page. As long as you're not too offended by strong language, I'd suggest all current and former fry-vat vets log on to the Web site www.geocities.com/ CapitolHill/Lobby/2645 for a good laugh. (And even before you enter the site, a message pops up saying: "You know what they're tryin' to say when they pay you minimum wage? 'If I could pay you less I would, but it's against the law!'")
Never before has anyone so perfectly articulated the plight of the corporate fast-food peon. From deplorable working conditions to rude, demanding and ill-mannered customers, this site leaves no grease-soaked patty unturned.
Click on "Evil Customer" for fast-food horror stories such as the deaf guy who placed his orders in the drive-through, the jerk who called to spew for 10 minutes about the salad bar that looked like crap at a restaurant that doesn't have a salad bar, and the diner who left his underwear in the bathroom. One contributor even wrote to complain about "the shirtless man who played with his nipples as I handed him his food." Yikes!
Another sarcastically writes: "How about that customer who always says, 'I want a cheeseburger plain. I just want the meat, the bun and the cheese!' Well, duh, sir, I thought you wanted some propellers and two twin engines on it."
And how about this real-life conversation: "Would you like to king-size your BK meal to a large one?"
"How much would that cost?"
"An extra 50 cents."
"Nah, don't king-size it; just make it a large."
Or this one: "Can I have a burger?"
"Excuse me?"
"A burger."
"We have lots of burgers. Which one do you want?"
So the next time you're less than thrilled with the service you get at a fast-food joint, remember what it was like for you, and consider keeping it to yourself. After all, as No. 35 of the site's customer rules states: "We don't care if you leave. We don't get commission or tips."
’Net Junkie drops every Monday.
Contact Shawn "Speedy" Lopes at slopes@starbulletin.com.