The future of horoscopes

Newspaper horoscopes are a colossal waste of ink and paper. Let's look at some sage advice offered recently by a horoscope in the Star-Bulletin: Capricorns: "Take your time making decisions." When is this advice ever NOT applicable? Does that mean it's best to make hasty decisions during the other 51 weeks of the year?

I expect more from my horoscopes. I want to open the paper and read something of practical use: Aries: "When you see John this afternoon, kill him. He's planning to shoot you when you play golf this Friday, so get him before he gets you."

Or maybe just a simple piece of useful, fiscal advice: "Yahoo stock will triple by August; the New York winning lottery number for next Tuesday's draw will be 23 4 56 9 2."

I have a feeling my horoscope for next week will read: "Get over the fact that you didn't come up with this horoscope racket first; it's mine, I'm making money doing it, and laughing at you from my private beach in Barbados."

Jason Seaborn

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