Honolulu Lite
Watching D.G. "Andy" Anderson trying to be a Democrat is like watching comedian Frank DeLima in drag. Trojan horse Anderson
welcomed in Dem fortressWhen DeLima dresses up like a woman for his comedy routine, everything is overdone: too much makeup, too much hair and way too much in the chest department. His body movements are too exaggerated, his lisp to lispy and, did we already mention the boobs?
I'm sure that when Imelda Marcos saw DeLima "doing" Imelda Marcos, she didn't recognize herself.
I have the same sneaking suspicion that when longtime state Democrats see Andy Anderson "doing" Democrat, they won't quite recognize the animal.
I'm convinced that in his heart, in his genes, Anderson is a conservative businessman, Republican by pedigree. So when he tries to be a Democrat, he projects what he thinks a Democrat would say and do, and becomes something of a parody of a Democrat.
Consider his idea that the state government essentially take over the Hawaii gas industry. I'll bet Democratic icon Dan Inouye almost fell out of his chair when he heard that.
Banana Republic jokes aside, as backward and anti-business as Hawaii is perceived to be by the rest of the free world, even the staunchest left-wing socialist Democrats hanging on the lanais of the state Legislature haven't suggested a government take over of the petroleum market. First we'll dominate the gas supply industry and chase Chevron out of town, then we'll take over the hotels and plantations and -- voilà! -- Viva Cuba!
The thing is, I don't think Andy Anderson really wants the state government to get into the gas biz. He knows what it's like trying to be a private businessman in a state whose motto is "The Red Tape Starts Here." It wasn't long ago that he wanted to put a huge, tacky Ferris wheel on the Kakaako waterfront and was hurt that no one shared his entrepreneurial vision.
That was the Republican Andy. The Democratic Andy who wants to be governor is trying to think like an anti-private business, government-in-your-face (and wallet) Democrat. In his zeal and confusion, he whizzed right past Demo-world and landed in Castro-land.
The question is, if all the forensic evidence points to the conclusion that Andy Anderson is just pretending to be a Democrat, why is he doing it? The easy answer is that it's a rank power-grab by a man who not only knows which way the political wind is blowing, he's spent many years operating the blowers.
It's more fun, however, to imagine that Andy's run for governor is all part of an elaborate scheme by the Republicans to destroy the Democratic Party from the inside out. In this scenario, Andy is a Trojan horse, rolled up to the gates of the Democratic fortress. And amazingly, they've let him in. If Mayor Jeremy Harris cannot shake off Walter Heen and other Democratic ankle-biters trying to halt his run for governor, Andy becomes the front runner.
Then, on the eve of the election, with polls showing Anderson and Republican Linda Lingle in a dead heat, Anderson smiles at the camera, whips off his "Che Guevara" T-shirt and yells, "Ha! Ha! Gotcha! I'm really a Republican!"
Farfetched? Yeah, but it'd make Frank DeLima bust out of his Imelda bra laughing.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com