Honolulu Lite
JOHN Wayne Bobbitt. You merely have to say those words to any guy and he'll cringe. Actually, the single word "Bobbitt" will do. I can't even type it without cringing. JWB (that's better) was the guy whose wife cut off the most personal part of his anatomy and then flung it out of a moving car about 10 years ago. Bobbitt ties knot
again, men cringeI'm hazy about the details, but I seem to recall that his wife, Lorena, was arrested for littering, or something, and even beat that rap with the increasingly popular "The Jerk Had It Coming" legal defense.
JWB's severed accouterment was recovered from the roadside and reattached. And while he may have faded from the general public's memory, his ordeal is indelibly etched in the memory, if not the very DNA, of every living male.
The reason we lead off this week's weird news with this item is that JWB has just remarried. To a woman. He obviously has, among other things, an extremely short memory.
In other news:
Listen up, Bobbitt
MUNICH (Reuters) >> A German man suspected of murder after he was seen carrying what a neighbor thought was a dead body into his apartment was cleared after he showed police a life-sized rubber sex doll.When officers told the man they were investigating a murder, he showed them his newly acquired doll as well as his collection of other inflatable models. Police closed the investigation.
(A police spokesman said that it is strange for a man to prefer dolls to real women. On the other hand, it cuts down on having to search the side of highways for severed parts of your own body.)
Bread makes you Wonder
WASHINGTON (Reuters) >> The maker of Wonder Bread and its advertising agency has settled charges that they engaged in deceptive advertising.The Federal Trade Commission had charged that Wonder Bread had no evidence to back up its claim that the calcium-enriched bread helped children's minds to work better or improved their memories.
(The company is considering changing the name of the product so that no one will think it provides any positive health benefits. "Crack Bread" and "Wino Loaf" are front-runners.
Honolulu Lite on Sunday: June Jones, University of Hawaii Football God, I mean, coach, asked a federal judge to allow Sukamto Sia, convicted of defrauding the Bank of Honolulu out of millions of dollars, to lecture at the university instead of going to prison.
Other than the fact that forcing someone to lecture at a university may constitute cruel and unusual punishment, it really wasn't a bad idea.
I'll tell you why in Sunday's Honolulu Lite.
Quote me on this: "A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin." -- H.L. Mencken.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com