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Honolulu Lite

CHARLES MEMMINGER


Miraculous: Cross
appears at City Hall!


Action alert to all "separation of church and state" SWAT teams! There is a cross, we repeat, a CROSS, hanging in Honolulu Hale! Actually, it's a painting of a cross. But it's a painting of a honest-to-God Christian cross! Of course, a naked woman appears to be nailed to the cross. But still, some people might ignore the naked woman and just see the cross and think government is pushing a certain religion.

The painting, "Last of the Believers" by artist Daria Fand, initially was banned from the current display of women's art. But the ACLU stepped in and bingo, the city backed down.

The message apparently is, anyone who wants to display religious symbols on government property -- and avoid separation of church and state commandos -- need only camouflage them with naked people, dead hamsters or the like.

And now the news:

No leg up for killer

LIVINGSTON, Texas (Reuters) >> A one-legged inmate set to be executed was denied an artificial leg for his walk to the death chamber.

Convicted murderer Rodolfo Hernandes wanted the leg so he could "walk like a man" to his death by lethal injection. Officials denied the request, pointing out that the leg, which would have cost taxpayers $8,000, was not a medical necessity.

(All together now: Legally, Rodolfo didn't have a leg to ... awwww, never mind.)

Separation of church/pub

DUBLIN (Reuters) >> A new survey of social attitudes by people in the Irish Republic showed that most Irish citizens thought going to a pub was more important than going to church.

(We're shocked.)

Hold mayo and lawsuit

LONDON (Reuters) >> Some restaurants in Britain are forcing customers who like their meat rare to sign a disclaimer before eating due to fears of E. coli and salmonella poisoning. Diners ordering rare hamburgers, sausages or minced beef have to sign the forms giving up their rights to take legal action if they become ill.

(They used to say, "Never eat at a place called Mom's." Now it's, "Never eat at a place where they force you to sign legal documents promising not to sue the buggers if they poison you.")

'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:

What do microwave pork rinds, cloned cats and the insidious Talivan traffic camera enforcement vans have in common? Read "Honolulu Lite" in the Sunday Star-Bulletin's Mauka-Makai section to find out.

Quote me on this: "You have deliberately tasted two worms and hissed all my mystery lectures." -- Oxford professor William Spooner, inadvertent inventor of mangled sentences known as "Spoonerisms."

(Translation of above: "You have deliberately wasted two terms and missed all my history lectures.")




Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com





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