The Weekly Eater
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What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet!" Give it a chance, and Grumpy’s
will make you happyHave we learned nothing since Shakespeare or the Earl of Oxford Edward de Vere or scholars' author du jour wrote those words in "Romeo and Juliet"?
The Bard would no doubt enjoy the controversy surrounding his identity, as if that would change our enjoyment of the words and stories that flowed from his pen. I don't think he'd be surprised to know man has changed little since 1595: As often as we are told not to judge a book by its cover, we are still all too concerned about names, labels and image.
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Given that the learning curve for mankind is steep, why would anyone try to build a business by betting against human nature?I'm talking about Grumpy's.
I can hear the chorus now: "What's thaaat?!"
It's all I've been hearing whenever I ask someone to go with me, because they get so afraid. Restaurants are supposed to have pretty, evocative names like Indigo, Bali-by-the-Sea, Green Papaya Cafe, Azteca -- anything but Grumpy's, which happens to be the nickname for owner Francis Borges, who, though described by employees as the kindest, nicest person you'll ever meet, just happens to look grumpy.
THE DECOR here is cool warehouse minimal, indicating a reach for an under-30 crowd, though the album cover art on the wall -- Grand Funk Railroad, Foghat, Aerosmith, Heart, the Cars, with the continuum ending in the mid-'80s with the Police, INXS and Duran Duran, when CDs replaced LPs -- reflects a collector with grown-up tastes who's closer to 40, unless he started listening to rock as a toddler.
This was once the Blue Room, which tried to offer upscale dining in Kakaako, where the population couldn't sustain such ambition.
Cover is $5 nightly, from 9 a.m. to 2 a.m., except as noted. THIS WEEK'S EVENTS
>> Tomorrow: DJ Margarita presents "Mambo Cafe" with Latin and salsa music from 7:30 p.m. to midnight.
>> Tuesday: Gemini's Closet presents "Group Therapy" with gothic and new wave music.
>> Wednesday: 808Xtremefashion.com and 808rides.com present live bands and deejays.
>> Thursday: Mass Appeal presents "Hapuna Beach House," with live bands and deejays.
>> Friday: Eminet Productions presents "Velvet Soul" R&B and hip-hop.
>> Saturday: "That '80s Night" offers an '80s rock revival.
>> March 10: John Cruz and Friends perform island music and blues. $3 cover; free for those with an industry liquor card.
Grumpy's is trying to be realistic, so by day you'll find salads and sandwiches that run $4 to $6. A moist, fresh-grilled mahimahi sandwich will run you $5.60. The hamburgers used here have the sharp edges one would associate with processed patties and are not particularly thrilling, but they do top it off with a veggie garden that includes leafy green lettuce, tomatoes with flavor and onions with crunch. Order the avocado burger ($6), and the entire burger will be blanketed with slices, the equivalent of half an avocado.
In the evening, bar-style pupu are on the menu, with about 10 standard offerings, plus a couple of daily specials such as a rich shrimp scampi with pasta and diced tomatoes, plus two slices of garlic bread for $8.95. In spite of the short list, staffers never seem to know what's in stock. They keep having to run into the kitchen to check with the cooks with almost every order.
The pupu are normally priced from $6 to $10, but show up from 6 to 8 p.m. daily, and Grumpy's will make you very happy with food offered at half-price (eat-in only). Pitchers are $5 during happy hour from 3 to 7 p.m. daily.
It's more awesome when you taste the medium-rare salt-and-pepper pulehu steak ($10/$5 happy hour); elegant grilled beef with a touch of lemongrass ($8/$4) served on skewers with peanut sauce and Thai chili sauce; and obake shrimp ($9/$4.50), a generous order of sweet shredded coconut-coated shrimp served with a Thai chili rémoulade. Don't forget your veggies; a platter of grilled zucchini, eggplant and summer squash is a steal ($6/$3).
Pass on the bready calamari ($8/$4) and the Thai Sticky Ginger Chicken ($8/$4), the latter coated with a black, sticky goo with the consistency of caramel.
Restaurants can't live off food alone, so Grumpy's offers deejay or live music events for a 21-and-older crowd nightly, making it hard to leave this place feeling grumpy.
327 Keawe St. / 528-4911 Grumpy's Bar & Grill
Food 
Service Ambience Value Hours: Food service from 10 a.m. to 10:30 p.m. Mondays to Saturdays, and 3 to 10:30 p.m. Sundays. Delivery available from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. for a $2 fee (tip not included) with $10 minimum order.
Cost: Lunch is less than $7 per person; dinner is about $20 to $25 for two
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Nadine Kam's restaurant reviews run on Thursdays. Reviews are conducted anonymously and paid for by the Star-Bulletin. Star ratings are based on comparisons of similar restaurants:
To recommend a restaurant, write: The Weekly Eater, P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, Hawaii 96802. Or send e-mail to nkam@starbulletin.com
excellent; very good, exceeds expectations; average; below average.
