UPS man bears fruitful gifts

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Ding-dong, the doorbell rings and before I know it the UPS guy is handing me a boxed holiday fruit basket from Harry and David, the Oregon-based gourmet food outlet. "Happy Holidays, Mr. Bristol," he says as he speeds off into the night.

Only I'm not Mr. Bristol. Mr. Bristol is the guy who lived in apartment 334 before me. I could send it back, but by the time they reship the box the fruit would be rancid. Completely inedible, right?

I open the box. Shiny apples. Perfect oranges. The pears, in particular, are especially delicious.

Two days later the doorbell rings again. What free goodies will arrive today, I wonder? It's Mr. Bristol. He looks stern. "I understand you accepted a package of fruit for me." His eyes dart to a far corner of the kitchen where a half-empty fruit basket sits. Cornered, I sing like a canary. Mr. Bristol accepts my apology -- but it's clear he wants his fruit.

I explain this to a customer service rep at Harry and David. Don't worry about it, she says. They'll send another and bill UPS.

"Happy Holidays, Mr., uh, Apartment 334, and enjoy the pears."

I did. I mean, I will.

--Scott Vogel

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