By Dave Donnelly

Sunday, December 2, 2001

1970: A Helen Keller joke
from a guy who's ‘outtasight’

LUNCHING with Jose Feliciano is a little like listening to a nonstop record of Bob Hope's joke rejects. Man, does he tell corny gags: "Did you know the Jews have their own Mafia? The Kosher Nostra." ... "Do you know why the Mexican threw his girlfriend out the window? Tequila!" ... "Did you know how Helen Keller burned her hand? Trying to read a waffle iron." ... The blind singer's humor relies heavily on puns, but he's quick to kid his own disability. "Outtasight" is one of his favorite expressions. He has a great sense of humor, and even if nobody else laughs at some of his puns, he obviously enjoys them. (Dec. 2, 1970) ...

IT'S nice to see a sense of humor among the handicapped -- a fellow in a wheelchair at the USC-UH game Saturday night had on a T-shirt reading, "Jogging Kills" ... After the game -- one of the most exciting ever played at Aloha Stadium -- Giles Pellerin, the USC fan-atic who was attending his 561st consecutive USC game, commented, "Hawaii almost pulled it off, and if they had, it would have been great for football. Think of what it would have done for recruiting out here." It was refreshing hearing that from USC's greatest fan. Pellerin also mentioned he was awfully glad USC beat UCLA because that meant they'll play in the Rose Bowl, a five-minute drive from his house. "If the Trojans lost, they'd have gone to the Orange Bowl, and I'd have to fly to Miami," said Pellerin. (Dec. 4, 1978) ...

SO there were six people trapped in a stuck elevator in the American Security Bank Building the other day. Most of them took it philosophically, figuring they'd get out sooner or later, but one young woman began sobbing convulsively, throwing herself on the floor of the elevator. Fortunately, one of the people on the elevator at the time was Nautilus Fitness Center trainer Terry Koplen, and he did what came naturally -- he reached out, grabbed a door by each hand and separated them so all aboard could get out. The doors quickly were repaired, but those aboard the stuck elevator were happy that Koplen's quick thinking (and muscles) came into play. (Dec. 2, 1981) ...

MY 12-year-old son, Brendan, showed signs of coaching prowess during the UH-Nebraska game Saturday night. After UH scored the first touchdown, Brendan announced, "They should pull an onside kick." No sooner had his father given him all the right reasons why such an endeavor would be stupid than the 'Bows pulled it off successfully. I wonder if Dick Tomey is looking for a new assistant? (Dec. 6, 1982) ... Newscaster Bob Jones, addressing the Pacific and Asia Affairs Council yesterday, was asked about the food he was served in China during his trip there to film a documentary. Jones explained that the Chinese go all out to impress visitors: "They really put on the dog," said Jones. Following some titters from the audience (which took him literally), Jones uttered, "Whoops." (Dec. 3, 1982) ...

AFTER watching the Florida-Florida State game, I got the feeling that the parents of Gator quarterback Wayne Peace missed a bet when they failed to name him "Warren." You'd think Warren Peace would be a cinch name for a Heisman winner. (Dec. 5, 1983) ... When local El Al Airlines rep Jorgen Skov was on a flight between Odense and Copenhagen in his native Denmark recently, he struck up a conversation with another passenger, who looked familiar. "I'm Jorgen Skov," he volunteered, and the man replied, "I'm Anker Jorgensen." The name was unfamiliar to Skov, who thought he might know the fellow. After buying him a beer, Skov asked, "Just what do you do, Anker?" "Well," the man replied, "until a week ago I was the prime minister of Denmark." Ah, thought Skov, after he choked on his beer, no wonder he looked familiar. (Dec. 7, 1984) ...

ELEVEN-year-old Punahou student Jason Tam will soon be returning to school. He's been playing Gavroche in "Les Miserables" on Broadway, but has turned in his notice of his intention to return home with his mom -- who's been living with him in New York -- to his dad, sisters and school. Couldn't have something to do with the fact it's cold in the Big Apple, could it? (Dec. 6, 1993) ...

Dave Donnelly has been writing on happenings
in Hawaii for the Star-Bulletin since 1968.
The Week That Was recalls items from Dave's 30 years of columns.

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