Honolulu Lite
I must have been insane when I placed a call to television psychic Miss Cleo for Dave Donnelly. Dave had been bombarded with mail from Miss Cleo saying she had some wonderful information about his future. I thought it would be fun to find out what kind of nonsense Miss Cleo was shelling out. No dumb idea goes unpunished. I never got to talk to Miss Cleo. Instead, I was handed off to one of her zillions of "master psychic" underlings who's main job seems to be keeping you on the phone long enough to start racking up the $4.99-a-minute charges. I see many annoying
rings in your futureThat was just the beginning of the horror. Miss Cleo apparently has a thriving side business selling callers' phone numbers to other phone hucksters. Now my Star-Bulletin line rings all day long with people calling to tell my fortune and trying to sell me stuff. I see a new phone number in my future.
And now the news:
Kids learn their digits
CISNADIE, Germany >> A Romanian teacher is under investigation after teaching her 8-year-old students obscene gestures. Parents were shocked when their children gave them the "one-fingered salute" at home, saying they were practicing their lesson.(I thought holding up one finger in class meant you had to go ... nevermind.)
When scientists butt in
KING GEORGE ISLAND, Chile >> Scientists plan to use microphones hidden in artificial eggs to measure the stress in Antarctic birds. They are worried that noises from planes, boats and tourists, are causing stress for giant petrels, causing them to abandon their nests.(The scientists apparently don't believe that sitting on a fake egg stuffed with a microphone would cause stress.)
Weird Web site: If you think the most boring thing in the world is sitting near dark, bleak and cold Loch Ness waiting fruitlessly to see the monster, you're wrong. The most boring thing in the world is sitting at home staring at your computer screen logged onto visitlochness.org watching a live video feed from the bottom of the loch. Facing hard financial times, Loch Ness businesses decided that lowering a camera to the bottom of the loch to allow people to search for Nessie from the comfort of their own home would be a real tourist magnet. Huh? Anyway, the camera lowered several hundred feet into the dark, murky water will give Nessie fans hours of fun staring at ... dark, murky water.
Honolulu Lite on Sunday: "Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers," "Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case" and other bizarre newspaper headlines that actually saw the light of print.
Quote me on this: "I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx.
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
The Honolulu Lite online archive is at:
https://archives.starbulletin.com/lite