Honolulu Lite


Friday, October 12, 2001

New enemy creates
a hairy situation

Until this whole war on terrorism thing is over it is going to be soooo uncool to wear a beard. Osama bin Laden and his web of whiskered whackos have set back the cause of beard-wearers decades.

You have to feel a little sorry for former Vice President Al Gore shortly before the attacks on New York and Washington tried to remake his image by appearing in public in scraggily salt-and-pepper beard. Talk about crummy timing. His new look went from "hip professor" to "militant mullah" in a flash. Maybe he can a rebate from his professional exterior decorator.

Now for some non-beard related news:

Snake swallows the pits

MERCED, Calif. (Reuters) >> A northern California man used to have two pets -- a pit bull terrier and a Burmese python. Now he has only one, a well-fed python.

The man reported to police the python accidentally escaped from its cage and swallowed the 9-month-old dog.

(The python denied eating the dog and said the large, round bulge in the middle of its body was simply gas.)

Beer sends lizard flyin'

LONDON (The Sun) >> A lizard is recovering after traveling from the United States to Great Britain in a barrel of beer.

The groggy Spiny Lizard was discovered when brewery staff opened a cask of pale ale. Authorities said there apparently was just enough air in the top of the barrel for the reptile to breathe.

(Authorities also reported the pale ale didn't seem as pale as usual and had a slight lizardy aftertaste.)

Wayward warbler a hit

DUBLIN, Ireland (AP) >> Bird watchers of Ireland were atwitter after spotting a Baltimore oriole in a seaside village.

"This is the first-ever sighting of a Baltimore oriole in Ireland, said birdwatcher Dick Coombes. "It's made an astonishing journey."

About 50 birdwatchers have congregated around the specimen, monitoring it's every move.

"I ran like the clappers when heard someone shout up the hill they'd seen the wee fella," Coombes gushed.

(Legendary Baltimore Orioles baseball player Cal Ripken told reporters this happens every time he travels abroad and he's getting damn sick of it.)

Honolulu Lite on Sunday: First it was tiny-shrieking frogs driving everyone nuts.

Now it's ever-carrying mosquitos, and tiny stinging caterpillars. What's going on here? Hawaii used to be fun.

Quote me on this: "If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -- Carl Sagan.

Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail

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