Parents share joys, When Eriko Farnsworth had her first baby 4 1/2 years ago, she soon felt consumed by the rat race many working mothers know all too well.
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She or her husband, Richard, would get their then-infant daughter, Maile, to the baby sitter by 8 a.m., then continue on to their own demanding jobs. Many nights found Farnsworth rushing home from her job as an office manager with barely enough time to feed Maile and put her to bed. "It was awful. We basically saw her on weekends," she recalled.
So despite the financial sacrifice, the couple decided Farnsworth would quit her job to stay home with Maile, who by then was 8 months old. It was what Farnsworth wanted, but it did not mean life was suddenly stress-free.
"I'd had a career. My identity was all wrapped up in my work. Now I was just someone's mom or someone's wife," recalled Farnsworth. "Most of my friends were still working; they didn't have kids, they couldn't relate" to the day-to-day challenges of parenthood. "I didn't know anybody with babies, and we had no family here," she said, since she is from Japan and her husband is from the mainland.
Then Farnsworth discovered the Baby Hui, which provides a support network for new parents, and play groups for their kids, with the aim of promoting positive parenting. Heading into its 20th year, the nonprofit organization is known for forging an intimate, family atmosphere that helps build lasting friendships.
"When I joined Baby Hui, it was like, 'Hey, there are women out there feeling the exact same way,'" Farnsworth said. "I made a whole new set of friends. It gave me a lot more confidence as a mother."
Founded in 1982, the Baby Hui works through a network of volunteers to bring together parents who live in the same area and have kids the same age (from birth to 3). While the neighborhood groups officially meet once a week for 10 weeks, many continue to get together long after the official end date because they've become friends, said Baby Hui Program Director Laura Sprowls, a retired Navy commander and mother of two.
The Baby Hui is "for any parent going through the normal joys and trials of parenthood," Sprowls said. "It really does turn into family for many people. It lessens the sense of isolation people may feel."
The Baby Hui serves about 500 families a year and also offers free support groups for teen parents through several public high schools. Sprowls wants to offer more groups for single parents and working parents. Although welcome now, such folks often have less flexibility on meeting times than stay-at-home moms, Sprowls said.
According to the 2000 U.S. census, there were 78,163 children under 5 years of age in Hawaii, or 6.5 percent of the total population of 1.2 million people. That's down from 1990, when there were 83,223 children under 5 years old, or 7.5 percent of the then-total population of 1.1 million.
"The need is there and we want to keep growing," Sprowls said. But expanding services means somehow increasing funding and tapping new volunteers to serve as group leaders. The Baby Hui gets about 40 percent of its annual funding from the state, Sprowls said, with the rest coming from private grants, fund-raising and membership dues.
Eriko Farnsworth is among the many neighborhood group members who have advanced to leading groups. Since that first group with daughter Maile, she has had two more children -- 212-year-old Leinani and 6-month-old Kekoa -- led several neighborhood groups and joined the Baby Hui's governing board.
A recent potluck at Farnsworth's Hawaii Kai home brought together 12 women in her latest group, their husbands and infants. Despite the diverse ethnic, cultural and career backgrounds of the women, not to mention the 15-year gap in age from the youngest to oldest members, they obviously had bonded over the universal joys and frustrations of parenthood.
"This has turned into a big family for me," said member Julie Yang, whose daughter, Yiyi, is 5 months old. Yang and her husband, Wen Lee, are from China and do not have immediate family in Hawaii, "so having support from good friends really helps," she said.
"It's a wonderful resource, particularly for new mothers," added member Kinau Shipman, who joined with daughter Makana, now 6 months old. "Sometimes you just need someone to laugh with and share all those things every new mother worries about."
Finding a baby hui
New Baby Hui groups are formed as often as there are enough interested parents and a group leader for a given neighborhood and age group. Each group generally includes about 10 parents, plus their children.For more information, call 735-2484 on Oahu; 964-8646 in Hilo; 325-5729 in Kona; 893-2106 on Maui; and 823-9894 on Kauai.
You can also register via the Baby Hui website at http://www.thebabyhui.org.
Membership includes 10 sessions in a neighborhood-based group with discussions on positive parenting led by a trained volunteer, a resource notebook, a one-year subscription to The Baby Hui newsletter and invitations to parent nights and play dates at area parks. Dues, which are tax deductible, are charged on a sliding scale, according to income. The amount paid -- from $25 to $100 -- is confidential and fees are waived for needy families.
The Baby Hui caters to families with babies from birth to age 3. The 2000 Census found 61,907 children in that age group in Hawaii, with the total including slightly more boys than girls. The age group accounts for 5.1 percent of Hawaii's total population. Birth to Age Three
Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Census 2000
Age Total Male Female All Ages 1.2 million 608,671 602,866 Less than 1 year 15,464 7,922 7,542 1 year 15,571 8,029 7,542 2 years 15,377 7,928 7,449 3 years 15,495 7,916 7,579