Honolulu Lite
Yuma, Ariz., has better weather than Honolulu? Yuma? Where automobiles come equipped with a spatula so you can detach your sizzling fried okole from the driver's seat in the 115 degree heat? Almanac’s list of cities
with the best weather
is all wetIt gets worse. Not only does Yuma (which I believe is Spanish for "the dog just burst into flames on the patio") have better weather than Honolulu, but so does Las Vegas, Phoenix, El Paso, Albuquerque and San Diego.
That's according to a list of the 10 best weather cities in the United States just published by the Farmers' Almanac. Amazingly, Honolulu is not even on the list.
Considering that, you might honestly ask yourself, what in the hell are those farmers smoking? But it gets even worse. The magazine also published a list of the worst weather cities in the country and little, moist Hilo did make that list.
Hilo, which admittedly has a rainy disposition, was lumped in with places like Astoria, Wash.; Syracuse, N.Y.; and Eugene, Ore., as having the worst weather in the country. Please. Hilo's weather isn't even as bad as Wailua, Kauai's. On a sheer raindrop basis, there are places on Kauai that would make Hilo seem like Casablanca.
I was shocked that Hawaii would receive a double smack to the kisser by a little magazine that for 185 years has been a part of American history. The Farmers' Almanac is the periodical that generally makes eerily correct predictions about the weather a year in advance, theoretically based on the accumulated wisdom of farmers and weather-watchers across the country's heartland. It also contains off-beat stories of rural life, recipes and declares in its most recent addition that apple pie really is "America's Dessert." So how could it be so far off on picking the best cities for weather?
I called the editor, Peter Greiger, who defended his best weather list. He said Yuma has sunny weather 90 percent of the year. Las Vegas and Reno have sunny weather more than 80 percent. And those cities also are the fastest growing cities in the country. Honolulu only has sunshine 71 percent of the time.
I immediately figured out the problem. The man was confusing sunshine and lack of rain with good weather. Yes, we have rain, I said. But it's WARM rain. And it usually only rains a short time and the sun comes out again. How can you compare that with 110 degree desert weather in Arizona and Nevada?
"I live in Maine, so what do I know?," he said. "But nobody ever asks, 'Where can I go where it's raining all the time?' "
Yeah, but nobody asks "Where can I go where I can fry eggs on my driveway?' or "Where can I go where I'll need an air conditioner installed in my undershorts?"
And as for bad weather, Hilo's not even in the running. What's a little rain compared to a winter in Juneau, Alaska? In the winter there it's 80-degrees below zero and you have to buy your sunlight in vacuum-packed cans. And why wasn't Fargo, N.D., on the Worst Weather list? Unlike Hilo, you never see an aloha shirt in Fargo in February.
When it comes to weather, the least amount you have, the better. Honolulu, Hilo and all of Hawaii will always be at the top of that list, no matter what a few farmers say.
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
The Honolulu Lite online archive is at:
https://archives.starbulletin.com/lite