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Honolulu Lite

by Charles Memminger

Monday, April 24, 2000

Give me love, give
me peace on Maui

YOU have to feel sorry for former Beatle George Harrison. All he wants is to be happy, as the song says. He just wants to enjoy his personal chunk of prime aina on Maui, but people keep tromping all over it. Specifically, his neighbors are using an easement through Harrison's 63-acre lot to get to the ocean and some of them, gasp, have had the audacity to point out Harrison's hacienda to friends as they walked by.

It's not like tourist buses are staging a "Magical Mystery Tour" in his driveway, but you have to understand, privacy and security are important to former Beatles. After all, John Lennon was gunned down practically on his own doorstep and Harrison was attacked by a guy with a knife last year at his London home.

Harrison's only 56 years old and, frankly, he'd like to sing "When I'm 64" when he's 64, and he rightly feels he might not get there if people keep jabbing metal objects into chest.

The Hawaii Supreme Court ruled last week the easement question will have to go to trial. Considering Harrison bought the property nearly 20 years ago, he might be 64 before the case is ever settled.

He must be feeling a little bitter having to go though this legal hassle at this point in his life. After all, Koko the gorilla, who can talk in sign language, is about to be given 70 acres on Maui and she won't have a bunch of baboons tromping across her land.

Right about now, Harrison is probably thinking about rewriting some of those classic old Beatles songs to reflect what he's going through:

"All Things Must Pass": Sunrise doesn't last all morning/A cloud burst doesn't last all day/But the idiotic neighbors/ Just won't ever go away ...

"A Hard Days Night": It's been a hard day's night/Calling lawyers and filing suit/It's been a hard days night/The judges were stuck with a big galloot ...

"Help": Help! I need some fences./Help! Not just any fences./You know I need da kine, ohhhhhh, electrics fine ...

"This Boy": This boy, spent a whole lotta dough/That boy, didn't tell me, though, that there was a big stinkin' easement running through the property he stuck me with, that weasel ...

"I Want to Hold Your Hand": Oh, yeah, I'll tell you something, I think you'll understand/When I slap that subpoena, right in your slimy hand, I want you off my land!/I want you off my laahaahaahaand/I want you off my land! ...

"I Feel Fine": Judge was good to me, you know/Said my land was mine, you know/ I won on appeal and I feel fine ...

"Hey Jude": Hey, Judge, don't be afraid/Tell those plaintiffs, to go and take a hike/Remember, they've gotten under my skin, so you can begin, to make it right ...

"The Ballad of John and Yoko (Ballad of George and Koko)": Standing in a forest in Maui, that monkey'll have it better than me/They'll keep tourists away, so that Koko can play, and the day trippers will swarm over me ... Christ you know it ain't easy, land, that chimp don't deserve/Forget the gorilla, how about a Beatle Preserve? ...

"Yesterday": Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away/Now they're just o'er there, thataways/Sunburned haoles wearing plastic leis/I hope they'll fall from those rock cliffs one day ...

"All You Need is Love": There's just one thing that can be done, to keep these gawkers off your lawn/There's just one thing that will get them gone/All you need is love (and couple of viscous dogs)/All you need is love (and a team of lawyers)/All you need is love (and some pepper spray) ...

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Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.

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