HERE I have an excellent opportunity to impart great wisdom to readers in the first newspaper they'll see in the 2000s, but I can't think of a single profound thing to say because I'm too worried about my Shar-pei Bingo. Profound worries about
the pooch on first day
of a new eraI had to work all night and my wife Maggie also had to work into the evening and didn't want to celebrate the end of the 1900s by herself. So she made plans to stop by my office when she finished work to welcome the new year with me.
That meant Bingo would be home alone all night in a neighborhood that resembles downtown Grozny on a normal New Year's Eve. We could only cringe at how the aerial fireworks would fly on this night of a lifetime.
The Star-Bulletin had a story the other day quoting Eve Holt of the Humane Society about how fireworks spook some dogs into strange runaway behavior. The reporter who talked to her said Holt expressed specific concern about Bingo. Uh, oh. What has she heard about him?
Bingo has never had trouble with fireworks before, but we've always stayed home and kept him in the house with us.
That led to a big disagreement with Maggie about whether to leave Bingo in the house or outside for his lonely New Year's Eve. Maggie argued for inside because that's where he always rides out the fireworks. But I shuddered at the damage he might do to the house if left alone in a high state of agitation.
I didn't think the fireworks would be the main agitating force. They've never seemed to bother him before. I've paid attention all week as folks in the neighborhood have begun exploding practice bombs in anticipation of the big celebration. All the other dogs on the block start barking like mad when one goes off, but Bingo barely looks up from his nap.
BUT it's not barking at fireworks that worries me. Bingo takes his duties as a guard dog seriously and insists on barking at everyone who comes onto our street. And on New Year's Eve everybody in the neighborhood is on the street, setting off a chorus of dogs that almost drowns out the fireworks.
I figure it's better to put him out there to join in the barking than to leave him tearing around the house all night trying to get outside to bark. We've never chained him in the yard and it's out of the question to start now. He'd probably strangle himself.
I won the argument by virtue of being the last to leave the house and, thus, able to do as I wished. Still, I worry that he'll get so upset that he'll find a way to bust out of the yard. A lot of things can happen when a dog with a chip on his shoulder and an empty skull on top of his neck gets loose -- none of them good.
I can only hope that if he does manage to find an escape route, even this dumbest of creatures will have sense enough not to wander out into a virtual war zone.
I wish I could tell you how it turns out, but I can't go home to find out until this paper finishes rolling off the press. I can only promise that I'll never again leave him home alone on New Year's Eve -- at least not for another 100 years.
David Shapiro is managing editor of the Star-Bulletin.
He can be reached by e-mail at editor@starbulletin.com.
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