Bribery’s the
By Betty Shimabukuro
way to goIT has been two months since the last accident. A great burden is lifted; life can go on.
I have potty trained another child. My third. And last. Further social development may now proceed.
If you think about it, kids need four skills to function at a minimum independent level in the world: To walk, talk, go potty and read. The first two they basically teach themselves; with the last you get profes-sional help. It's only with potty training that you're on your own.
The advice available can be diametrically opposed. The two modern schools of thought are regularly expressed in our daily newspapers, in the words of two family counselors, T. Berry Brazelton, whose column appears Tuesdays in this paper, and John Rosemond, who appears Mondays in the morning paper.
Brazelton believes strongly that only the child knows when it's time to give up diapers and to force the issue is to create problems not only in this frame of reference but with other life issues as well. You can start trying at around age 2, he says, but if the child doesn't get it, give up and wait. If birthday No. 3 passes and the kid is still in diapers, don't sweat it.
Rosemond says toddlers are best trained between 20 and 30 months . To wait longer "insults the child's intelligence," prolongs dependence and delays other social skills.
A huge biological clock was ticking. I was on the verge of failing a vital parental responsibility.
I tried Brazelton's way. I'd put the boy on the pot and he would cry, try to dive off, act like I was trying to kill him. This was about age 2-1/2. I gave up; he wasn't ready. But after several months I got tired of buying diapers. Time for another approach.
I tried Rosemond's way, which involves rendering the child naked. No kid will put up with bodily fluids running down his/her legs, he says, and in a couple of days they get the point.
Well, my boy child is biologically engineered so his primary bodily fluid (scientific name: shi-shi) didn't run down his legs but shot off into the distance where not only did it NOT bother him, but it could lie undetected until it reached ripeness. Also, he took to holding it until he was in misery and in danger of exploding. It was pitiful.
There is another way, from the book "Toilet Train in Less Than a Day." You feed a kid salty snacks and a favorite drink, then sit him/her on the pot and read a story until something comes out. Enlightenment follows.
I tried this with my No. 1 son, and he almost immediately did what my mother-in-law calls "his Big Job" (scientific name: poo-poo). He then informed me that the potty was dirty and he was never going to use it again.
The technique that worked for me isn't mentioned by any of those experts. I share it with you for free: bribery. I promised the No. 1 son a Tonka truck; the daughter an unfettered visit to Toys 'R Us. The last kid fell for the bowl of candy I put on the toilet tank. Each time he sat there without whining I gave him a piece.
After a day he was pretty much trained, at least as far as No. 1 goes. No 2 took longer. Brazelton says that's because kids tend to see their solid waste as a part of them and want to hold onto it.
Well, yuck. All I know is the day Caleb came to me and said, "Mommy, I wanna go poo-poo in-a potty" is a red-letter day ranking in his short life right up there with the day he said, "I luv-u, mama."
My work here is done. In two years the next Big Trial arrives, when the oldest turns 16 -- but that will be his father's problem.
We have a deal: I potty train them; he teaches them to drive.
Betty Shimabukuro is a Star-Bulletin writer.
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