CHRISTMAS is a time to celebrate life, which I guess explains why I ended up with five Christmas trees this year. Deck the halls with
lots of tannenbaumsI admit I have a slight tendency to go overboard but I really outdid myself this time. Think of it: five Christmas trees. A virtual Christmas forest. When I dragged them into the living room, my dog Boomer hopped up, tail wagging furiously like a demon-possessed windshield wiper, as if to say "Way to go, Master!"
My daughter was not so thrilled. She looked at me the way Lucy and Linus looked at Charlie Brown after he bought a scrawny, needle-challenged tree. I sensed her feelings: "Charlie Brown, you blockhead, you've ruined Christmas."
Poor child. If she can't handle the old man dragging home five Christmas trees, how's she going to handle the embarrassment of, say, me grilling her potential boyfriends at gunpoint?
Anyway, before things got out of hand on the Christmas tree front everything seemed pretty normal. Containers loaded with trees from the Northwest arrived on schedule. I passed by the Noble Firs and evergreens drying out in the hot Hawaiian sun, like fully clad Eskimos suddenly dropped into a Sudanese desert camp.
And I thought, what a strange practice, growing beautiful trees in their indigenous homeland simply to cut them down and send them to a faraway hostile environment to die embarrassing deaths, gussied up like cheap strumpets. I thought, surely there are native plants that we could gussy up like cheap strumpets in honor of the birth of the Prince of Peace instead of paying good money to watch the life blood drain from imported vegetation.
There are. They are called Norfolk Island Pines and they have been used for Christmas trees in Hawaii for ages. Usually, however, people just cut down a perfectly healthy Norfolk and stick it in their living room to perish during the happy holiday season.
I decided I wanted a living tree. One that I could plant in my yard after the holidays. One that could maintain its dignity despite being adorned with scraps of paper with kindergarten scribbles, dangling champagne corks and an eclectic rabble of ornaments.
Hawaii teems with Norfolk Island Pines right up until you decide you want one. Then they are nowhere to be found. I went from nursery to nursery on my tree hunt. There were ficuses, palms and banana trees galore but not a Norfolk to be had. Like a botanic bounty hunter, I followed leads and tracked down rumors. I found a tree dealer but he had gone bust. My frustration was heightened because fully grown Norfolk pines lined his property like towering sentries, mocking me.
Then one of my contacts said he had heard of an orchid dealer (for the record: C&L Orchids) in Waimanalo who trades in Norfolk Island Pines. I called. Yes, they had Norfolks. I raced out there and found row after row of Norfolks. I was ecstatic. There were many more than head high. So, I kind of lost it. I binged. I splurged. I bought five.
None were big enough to hold the entire family cache of Christmas bric-a-brac. But by putting one on a small table and grouping the others around it, it formed the traditional "Christmas tree" shape fully capable of supporting holiday mother lode. And after we unleashed 18 boxes of dangling tackiness and garish-colored lights upon them, they looked just as gaudy as family Christmas trees past.
My daughter was happy, the dog giddy and I felt vindicated. For the first time, our "tree" is a symbol of life and hope, bringing tidings of great joy. And that, as Linus pointed out, is what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
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71224.113@compuserve.com.
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