Best of times can
By Todd China
fail to materializeI'M not sure what I expected of college when I started out; I had anebulous conception that it would be an exciting time of independence, learning, and fun. In the oddest, most unexpected way, it has turned out to be all those things, but I never for a moment believed those who claim that college is "the best time of your life."
To me, the notion of the best years is an illusion, a superficial truth full of irony. In fact, at one point was actually going to room with an accomplished illusionist, a champion magician who this fall sold a trick to David Copperfield.
I once saw my potential roomie as a fun, friendly, well-adjusted person, if not a tad eccentric. I had hoped that in becoming more involved in student life, I would meet new friends, and in a way, he epitomized that kind of friend.
Yet, he ended up disappointing me. Two weeks before school started, he "temporarily" dropped out to do magic and start some Buddhist cult, and he evidently, over the summer, adopted all sorts of ridiculous airs and mannerisms.
As has happened so often in the last two years, I was disappointed and conscious of the supreme irony of the situation. Here, the sham facade and illusion of this "cool friend," had been swept away to reveal a person who I did not identify with on any level. I took it all in stride, though, and ironically, life in the apartment is so much better now that he's gone.
Sometime around the halfway mark of my freshman year, I hit an all-time personal low. The people I thought were my friends, in high school and in college, had nearly all left me, and stripped of almost everyone I could trust, I was forced to start over.
In high school, I never felt like I had been a part of any real group of friends, and here was a chance to start anew with a clean slate, a chance to do things right. I learned that your friends are people you can trust and have fun with, but they are also people who will come through for you in times of need, even if you hardly see them at all. I had never understood this until that time two years ago.
Sometimes, though, when I'm in my room studying, it does get lonely, and I miss my old friends. I found that independence can come at the price of loneliness.
Although I strive in general to break away from the past, I still look back on my childhood through the glowing lens of nostalgia. I remember the summers spent at my grandparents' house, the weekends spent with my friend playing video games, the days of Christmas with my relatives, back in a time of innocence and simplicity.
Those were "the days," but they are far removed from me now; innocence is gone, replaced by hardness. It was once difficult to say no to people for fear of being rude, but it is easy now. I was so naive and clueless before, but I feel more perceptive and critical now, and I have learned not to trust people as easily, because they will take your trust only to turn around and betray you.
I want to believe in the goodness of humanity, forgiveness between enemies, and the always-present possibility of redemption, but I know in reality that sometimes, enmity persists despite good intentions.
All this has made me conscious of having a distinct identity, a set of interests, attitudes, and experiences that make me who I am, and this, I think, is the true lesson of college.
Todd China is a 1996 graduate of Iolani School now
attending the University of Southern California.Rant & Rave is a Tuesday Star-Bulletin feature
allowing those 12 to 22 to serve up fresh perspectives.
Speak up by fax at 523-8509; by answering machine at 525-8666;
snail mail at P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu 96802;
or e-mail, features@starbulletin.com
