"WE'VE finally solved Hawaii's crime problem," a friend said. "We send our prisoners to Texas and our cops to Oregon." Have thumb, will
travel for good jobHe was referring to the fact that, as Hawaii sends more and more prisoners to mainland prisons to ease overcrowding here, Honolulu police have begun to be recruited by police departments in Seattle and Portland.
Why stop there?
Obviously, Hawaii's people have always been among our biggest assets. Now, with the economy struggling along, they may be our only asset.
Gov. Ben Cayetano should form a task force immediately to market Hawaii residents nationally. Forget "Thumbs Up, Hawaii!" How about "Thumbs Out, Hawaii! We're Hitchin' a Ride to Prosperity!"
It is no secret that some of our best and brightest residents have left the islands to seek their fortune. From football players to sumo wrestlers, success is an ocean away. In recent years, entertainers also hit the road in order to hit the big time. Hooray for Haole-wood! Don Ho is huge on the mainland. Danny Kaleikini thrives in Japan. Frank DeLima goes on unemployment in Hawaii. (Hey, Frankie ... Helllloooo?)
But now there are opportunities for people from all walks of life. If other states want our cops, they probably also could use some seasoned government workers. And we've got scads of 'em.
SHOPO, the police union, even was willing to help Hawaii cops land new jobs outside the islands. I'm sure the Hawaii Government Employees Association and United Public Workers would be willing to help government workers find jobs on the mainland. Just think what it would be like to be a Hawaii government employee, but not have to deal with the high cost of living in Hawaii! Of course, the employees would still pay dues to the HGEA and UPW, meaning labor still will retain its political power here.
Zippy's could open stores in Portland and Seattle. Those Hawaii cops and transplanted office clerks are going to be sorely in need of mixed-plate lunches with two scoops rice when that cold Northwest rain starts beating down on them.
The primary election showed that we have way too many politicians for the number of offices available. We should market these people in other states. Surely there's a little town that could use the services of a curmudgeonly ex-mayor like Frank Fasi. Twenty-two years as mayor is a lot of experience just to piddle away losing elections every four years.
Likewise, the University of Hawaii should begin setting up satellite campuses in Portland and Seattle. All the sports teams should be moved to those campuses to cut down on the high cost of travel to mainland games. The new mainland campuses will be a great place for members of the University of Hawaii Professional Assembly to hide out, especially if Cayetano wins the governor's race. Trust me, after throwing their support behind Linda Lingle, they will not be not happy college campers if Cayetano wins -- he'll make sure of that.
We can't really do much about the public schools. It's not like we can send students to the mainland like we do prisoners. Look what happened when they sent just one high school football team to Las Vegas. They tore up the hotel!
But there are plenty of other opportunities outside the state for our greatest asset, ourselves.
Former Gov. John Waihee had the right idea: think local, live global. He joined a big Washington, D.C., law firm, but he still worked for Bishop Estate! Brilliant! If an ex-governor can't hack it here, what chance do the rest of us have?
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
The Honolulu Lite online archive is at:
http://starbulletin.com/lite