FIVE years ago, a divorce shattered Cynthia Cary's plans of having constant companionship well into her old age. The geriatric social worker dreaded living in a big house alone, or being stuck with people she didn't especially like or care about in her later years. A golden concept
-- living with
best palsSo the Kaimuki resident did what anyone with a searing curiosity and an interest in sharing enlightenment might do. In her spare time, she researched and wrote a book.
As the Baby Boomers turn silver, the topic is too relevant to ignore: How can older women, who self-deprecatingly call themselves "over the hill," bring to life the fictional concept behind the TV hit, "The Golden Girls"?
In other words, how can a crone successfully feather a nest with some fine unfettered friends? Cynthia knows and she's put it all into "A Foxy Old Woman's Guide to Living With Friends," published by The Crossing Press of Freedom, Calif.
This Sunday, from 2-5 p.m. at Central Union Church, she will be among the local authors sharing their work at a "Personal Wholeness" book fair sponsored by the Samaritan Counseling Center.
To find Cynthia, look for the smiling 50-year-old sitting proudly behind stacks of her first published work. Yes, ma'am, that's her on the book's cover in the group shot, the lady wearing the tuberose in her hair surrounded by two of her gal pals and one's 80-year-old mother.
Shared living among non-related persons certainly makes sense, especially in Hawaii. Because women live longer than men and since the cost of housing is especially high in the islands, why shouldn't females go ahead and organize a "crone's nest" for constant companionship and safety? Wouldn't that be easier and more fun than living alone and arranging to meet friends every day in shopping malls, restaurants, community centers or other public places?
The primer describes how older women can do just that, by embracing shared living arrangements like cooperative housing, eco-villages, community land trusts and women's retreats.
There are also a whole slew of questions to ask first, to determine if shared living is right for any individual, including, "What are your primary reasons for considering collaborative living? Companionship? Economics? Safety and security? Shared values and ideals? If the latter, what are they?"
Cynthia has been investigating the matter since 1994, and even published an annual newsletter, "Creating a Crone's Nest," which solicited ideas and shared information from across the country.
When she was pau, she sent out proposals to 13 lucky publishers and one came through. "It is an idea whose time has come," Cynthia believes.
ESPECIALLY given the character of today's 40- and 50-something women, who grew up admiring Gloria Steinem and moving into the workforce in droves during the height of the liberation movement.
Maybe their mothers might not be daring enough to consider living with non-family members, but the seniors of the new millennium will definitely be an unorthodox breed, Cynthia believes.
"As a generation of old women, larger than any generation before us, our power can and will be felt," she writes. "This is an exciting and powerful opportunity for change that has only just begun. Together we can give birth to a new reality for old women."
You go, Golden Girls!
Diane Yukihiro Chang's column runs Monday and Friday.
She can be reached by phone at 525-8607, via e-mail at
DianeChang@aol.com, or by fax at 523-7863.