Honolulu Lite

by Charles Memminger

Friday, September 4, 1998

---

Free market is not a
trivial pursuit

Ican't pretend to match economic wits with experts from Harvard or the World Bank, but I think I have a possible answer to Russia's economic problems. I call it "The Parker Brothers Guide to A Successful Free Market Economy With Relatively Little Gun Play." You start by blanketing the country with "Monopoly" games.
Everything you need to know about maintaining a vigorous economy is contained in that one game with the little metal hats and wheelbarrows.

Many Americans got their first whiff of economics while gathered around a "Monopoly" board with family and friends. Sure, once in a while, a crazy aunt would tip over the entire board, angered that she was forced to sell her railroad holdings in order to pay for a stay at a lavish Park Place hotel. But generally, "Monopoly" is a great primer for how a free market works.

So, Boris, listen up before it's too late. Here are the key points to "Monopoly Economics 101":

The Board. You need good physical infrastructure to sustain business. It has to be a safe, stable platform with clear, clean borders. It should include reliable transportation, utilities and public access to all parts of the board.

The Rules. In real life, we call them laws. Gotta have 'em. Gotta have courts to enforce 'em. Can't have business until everyone agrees on the rules. The rules do not assure everyone the same level of success, just that everyone will have the same OPPORTUNITY for success.

Punishment. Go to Jail. Go directly to Jail. Don't pass Go. Don't collect $200. That means you've got an enforcement arm that keeps the game board level for everyone. You can't bribe the Duma to stay out of the slammer.

The Bank. You can't play the game until you've got an honest banker. It has to be someone you trust who will treat all players fairly.

Currency. You've got to have a good supply of solid currency. The bank can't print up more money just because someone is hoarding all the twenties. You've got to keep the money in circulation and its value supported by more than Big Macs and vodka.

Taking turns. Players have to be civil to each other and deal with each other in a professional manner. Using tanks to take over the "Free Turn" square is a no-no.

Deal-making. Private deals are OK as long as one player does not take unfair advantage of another. For instance, Uncle Henry can't con his 8-year-old nephew out of his set of utility cards for crummy old Baltic Avenue and Cousin Sasha can't use Chechnyan gangsters to shake down the Atlantic Avenue Nike store.

Charity and community spirit. Players called upon to dip into the Community Chest should be willing to contribute a fair amount to charities and other worthwhile causes that provide a moral framework for the game.

Taxes. When you pull the tax card, you have to pay it. "Monopoly" is a bit lax on this point, making paying taxes more a matter of chance than necessity. Players should work out their own fair tax system.

Admittedly, the goal of "Monopoly" is for one player to take over everything. But anyone who has played the game knows it rarely gets that far. Usually, a sort of balance is struck where players just sort of pass money around to each other as they land on each other's property. Some people drop out and raid the refrigerator, which, I suppose, represents going on the dole.

But for the most part, if Russians follow the basic tenets of "Monopoly," they will be a lot better off than they are now. And the ruble will eventually be worth more than "Monopoly" money again..

---

Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.

---

The Honolulu Lite online archive is at:
http://starbulletin.com/lite