WELCOME to another installment of our continuing dialogue on telephone etiquette. As you recall, last time we discussed how to deal with sales people, real estate brokers and credit card marketers who feel that the best time to discuss business with you is just as you put your first bite of dinner into your mouth. When their fingers
walk wrong roadsI received many responses to that column, thanking me for the ideas on how deal with these urchins. The two favorite methods were: 1) restate whatever the caller says in the form of a question, and 2) ask for the caller's name and personal home phone number and promise to call them back. The second one is really for when you don't have the time to mess with these jerks. It's quick and easy because they really become insulted when you ask to call THEM at THEIR HOUSE.
The first one is just plain fun. Basically, when the caller says something like, "I'm calling from Mortgage Buddies," you turn it into a question. You're calling from Mortgage Buddies? "Yes, and I'd like to talk to you about refinancing." You'd like to talk to me about refinancing? It helps if you sound really excited. Eventually, caller will hang up, but you'll be surprised how long you can keep it going.
Today's discussion, however, involves tips for you, the caller. Especially what to do when you dial a wrong number. Now, a lady called me last week and asked "Is this Regis Hair Styling?" And I said, no, you've got the wrong ... well, she hung up before I could finish. The phone rang a few seconds later. So I picked it up and said, "Regis Hair Styling." The caller said "Hi," and asked to speak to someone. I said there was no one by that name here because this isn't Regis Hair Styling; it is the exact same wrong number you dialed 12 seconds ago.
SEE? When you dial a wrong number, it doesn't do you any good to dial the exact same number again because the odds are that it will still be a wrong number. If you are told you have dialed a wrong number, the proper thing is not to curse and slam the phone down but to figure out why you screwed up in the first place. For instance, you could discuss the number you dialed with your victim and he might help you unravel the mystery. If the result of your misdial is that you have caused someone to jump off the john or out of the shower to answer the phone, he might call you ham-fisted, pudgy-fingered klutz. Be sure to take this personally.
There are a few no-nos associated with being a misdialer. For instance, if you are told you misdialed, you should not then say, 'So, are you naked?' It also is rude to ask the innocent victim of your misdialing to call the pizza place for you.
Because so many people have answering machines, people who misdial sometimes leave messages on the wrong machine.
Once, an elderly gent left a message on my machine, RSVPeeing to some big shindig. I felt I should call him back and tell him of his mistake so he wouldn't show up at the shindig and not be allowed in. I called him and tried to explain he had called the wrong number. This confused him, because he thought I was one of the shindig organizers. I tried to explain I had nothing to do with the shindig, that he had just misdialed. Then he thought I was telling him he couldn't go to the shindig and, well, it just got worse. I seem to recall him ending the conversation saying something like, "Why are you doing this to me?"
So, if someone mistakenly leaves a message on your recorder, even if it's a governor trying to stop an execution, it's best to ignore it.
Next time: "Phone Sex: The Importance of Really Big Adjectives."
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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