A couple days ago, I was dusting off my record collection. (For those of you under 20, a "record" wasn't always what a Dallas Cowboy had at the police station or something Cal Ripken breaks every day. A long time ago, it was a piece of vinyl that spun around on something called a "turntable" and made music.) Putting a new spin
on some classic hitsSince my stereo was broken and the lyrics and liner notes were missing, I had to reach back into my memory banks to remember what the songs were about:
Won't Get Fooled Again: Can we blame University of Hawaii football fans for buying fewer season tickets? There's no mystery why. A losing record combined with an unresponsive ticket office will lead to less ducats desired. But bravo to the coaching staff for calling former season-ticket holders to personally ask them back.
Please Mister Postman: Yes, that was really Karl Malone wrestling against Dennis Rodman last Sunday. Not bad for a couple of novices. Please, no comments about how this weakens the "integrity" of the NBA. Last we checked, the NBA was a bunch of millionaires on strike.
Love Shack: Can't say I do, especially after the foul foul shooter stood up a bunch of kids Sunday. Shaq claimed he got confused on what day he was supposed to make the appearance for a celeb benefit basketball game. O'Neal's publicist said the Laker faker thought he was supposed to be at the Pearl City gym on Saturday. That excuse doesn't add up, because, uh, Saturday is before Sunday. Wouldn't the empty gym on Saturday have been a clue?
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For: Maybe Rollie Fingers can close for the Braves. Is Hoyt Wilhelm still alive?
Cruel Summer: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays and Arizona Diamondbacks are a combined 62 games out of first place in their respective divisions, proving that it takes more than high-priced stars at a few positions to contend in Major League baseball over the long haul of a 162-game season. You need depth in the form of decent, professional fourth outfielders, utility infielders and middle relievers, too.
Do You Want To Know A Secret?: If the Hawaii High School Athletic Association has nothing to hide in its business practices, why doesn't it open up its meetings?
Against The Wind: We're told that Sammy Sosa's bid to top Roger Maris' home-run record will be a battle against the elements as well as National League pitchers. Why? The wind usually blows in at Wrigley Field in late summer.
I Am Woman: The WNBA attendance and ratings are down. Maybe it's because the league's marketing office keeps picking the wrong players to hype.
Rickey Don't Lose That Number: The Old Man of Steal still leads the American League in swipes -- by a comfortable margin. Henderson turns 40 next Christmas and isn't showing any signs of slowing down.
Hit Me With Your Best Shot: Maybe it's true what they say about boxing thriving in tough economic times. There seems to be a bit of a renaissance going on locally. Samson Guillermo is a world junior champion, and Brian Viloria and Tony Rodriguez are fighting at the Goodwill Games -- considered a prelude to the Olympics. Local official Chuck Williams is also in New York, serving as a ring announcer.
Heard It Through The Grapevine: When Les Murakami finally steps down, Lenn Sakata will take over as University of Hawaii baseball coach. His assistants will be Coop DeRenne and former major league pitcher and coach Tom House.
We Wish You A Merry Christmas: Could the doubleheader Aloha and Oahu Bowl be a test run for national championship playoff semifinals? Don't bet against Lenny and Marcia Klompus pulling it off.
So Much To Say: Can't say I approve of all facets of his after-hours lifestyle, but Marv Albert, the best basketball broadcaster, is back. YESSS!!
Dave Reardon is a magazine editor and freelance
writer who has covered Hawaii sports since 1977.
He can be reached via the Star-Bulletin or
by email at dreardon@hmsa.com.
