THE Star-Bulletin/NBC Hawaii News 8 Poll came out this week with all kinds of interesting information like, if the election were held today, the only person Ben Cayetano could beat for governor is Larry Price and that's just because Larry hasn't filed yet. Political polls? Pshaw!
Here’s the real oneActually, it wasn't that bad. According to the poll, most voters prefer Republican Linda Lingle over Cayetano, which is surprising, since as of about 2:15 yesterday afternoon nobody even knew who she was.
The problem for Cayetano -- well, one of the problems -- is that the economy sucks. And it sucks with a vengeance. But it sucks mainly because of the pitiful state of the Asian economy which Cayetano, as far as I know, has no control over.
But I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about polls. I like polls even though they generally don't ask the questions I want asked. So I was thinking, why don't we have our OWN poll. Let's have the Honolulu Lite "Life in Hawaii Poll."
AND so, here it is. The rules are simple, fill out the following questionnaire (circle the answer that reflects your position or write in your answer) and either fax it or mail it back to me. I'll compile all the answers and issue a report later about the results, which should tell us more than we ever wanted to know about life here the islands.
1. My favorite flavor of shave ice is .
2. There should not only be city lifeguards at beaches, but also at major intersections, large parking lots and certain lunch wagons. (Agree-Disagree)
3. Kaaawa has way too many "a's" in its name. (Agree-Disagree)
4. The best way to prepare whale meat is (fried, sauteed, boiled, broiled or barbecued).
5. Bishop Estate should give every resident of the state $10. (Agree-Disagree)
6. Which native fruit rules: (Mango, papaya, banana, guava, Spam)?
7. Anyone caught spray-painting graffiti on anything should be sent to Kahoolawe and forced to dig up live ordnance as part of the island's cleanup. (Agree-Disagree)
8. The Big Island should change its name to (Cool Island, Really Big Island, Volcano World, Club Rose).
9. Diamond Head is (OK, Not That Great, Pretty Good, Weird-looking).
10. The best place to get a plate lunch that doesn't have any mayonnaise on it is where? (This isn't a real question, I was just wondering.)
11. If Hawaii had an official state fish, it would be (fried, sauteed, boiled, broiled or barbecued).
12. The Brown Tree Snake would make a great souvenir for tourists. (Agree-Disagree)
13. Would you ride TheBus if the driver wore no pants? (Yes, No, Maybe)
14. Hanauma Bay should be filled with tiger sharks and converted to the state's first Extreme Eco-Tourist Adventure Park. (Agree-Disagree)
15. All unused sugar cane land and pineapple fields should be used to grow (brussels sprouts, asparagus, chinchillas, dust mites, Chad Rowen).
16. The dumbest plant in Hawaii is the (silversword, ficus in Bank of Hawaii's downtown branch, aloe vera, plumeria, double carnation lei).
17. It was (really mean, pretty mean, unsportsmanlike) for the Japanese to bomb Pearl Harbor.
18. Lava is (nasty stuff, hotter than McDonald's coffee, overrated).
19. The o'o, or black Hawaiian honey eater bird, is extinct because (it had a bad attitude, it actually hated honey, it tasted like chicken, who cares?).
20. You should never make a lei out of (severed ears, dirt clods, stuffed o'o birds, all of the above).
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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