Stop the clock and
By Shannon Kotani
take time to enjoy lifeA couple of weeks ago I was thinking about how my life is going, about graduating from high school, about what my future might hold, about who I am and about my grandparents.
Until about two weeks ago I took a lot ... make that everything ... for granted. Then I listened to my grandparents talking about putting the final touches on their wills. Those words, "final touches," made it sound as if they were dying already.
Somehow, that brief moment when they jokingly asked me if I wanted any possession of theirs, made me realize my grandparents are not immortal and that I might not have or see them 10 or 20 years from now. It broke my heart. I have always been very close to my grandparents. They took care of me while my mother worked.
One of my grandmother's sayings is "Buy me flowers now while I'm alive, not when I'm in my grave."
She's right. I want to take advantage of the time we have now. I feel I have wasted 17 years taking them for granted, but I'm glad that I have learned this lesson. I know that if I changed after they had departed, I would be saying, "I wish I had done this, I wish I had done that," and it would be too late.
A few nights ago, my friends and I went to see "Deep Impact." With a comet set to collide with earth, only a certain number of people were allowed to enter an underground cave where they would be protected from the mass destruction that results from the impact.
Some of the people who were chosen to enter the cave gave up their places so that others could survive. It showed that people cared about others more than themselves.
Seeing the movie -- like watching my grandparents make out their wills -- was another sign trying to tell me something. Graduation is another omen.
There are only a couple more days before seniors graduate. Earlier this year we were faced with preparing for college, talking to career counselors, ordering caps and gowns, while keeping our grades up. All these things added up to stress and senioritis.
I felt I had lost my way. I did not know who I was. I was thinking about my future and I could not see it. I kept asking myself, "Who am I? What am I doing with my life?"
LIFE was passing way too fast and I guess I did not want to go at that speed.
I remembered my psychology teacher once told our class, "Hear yourself; listen to what you are saying."
So I did. I started to go for long, slow walks to clear my mind. Maybe this won't make sense to anyone else, but they're not me.
The walks helped me see things in a new light. I look around and see how the breeze hits the trees and makes them sway back and forth as if there is not a care in the world.
Every day I try to be grateful for something I took for granted the day before. I take time to notice the nice, cool feeling of water touching my fingertips when I'm washing my hands. When I tie my shoes I think of my mother and father spending $100 on them and feel lucky to have such good and generous parents.
When I move my arms I tell myself that I am lucky to have all 10 fingers. I guess I am just thankful for living. I have begun to realize that I have to start living life now, to the fullest.
Inside there is a part of me that is confused and my emotions are a rollercoaster, but I know that I can make it.
Shannon Kotani will graduate from
Kaiser High School this month.Rant & Rave is a Tuesday Star-Bulletin feature
allowing those 12 to 22 to serve up fresh perspectives.
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