Are you always late?
By Warren Kaneshiro
Join the clubTOMORROW is the deadline to file taxes. I can imagine the last-minute tax filers who will be tearing their hair out because, just as last year, they're waiting for 11:59 p.m. Wednesday to begin filing away.
To these souls I say be not ashamed, for we all have a tale to tell when it comes to procrastinating.
Why, just the other day I announced to my mom that I had become an honorary member of the IGTIASAP Club.
"EIEIO what club?" she asked.
"You know, the 'I'll Get To It As Soon As Possible' Club. The good ol' procrastinator's club. Aren't you proud?"
She looked perplexed and asked how one goes about becoming a member.
"It's a three-step process," I said. "First, I had to answer several multiple-choice question such as: Your dog Spot needs a bath. You:
a) Jump off the couch and bathe him, pronto.
b) Jump off the couch and drive him to the groomers.
c) Sit idle on the couch and, while observing the smoky fumes rising from Spot, intermittently mutter, "I'll get to it as soon as possible."
Second, I had to find another piece of evidence proving that I am a procrastinator. A member suggested that I present, for example, a photo of my bedroom's dust-caked window screens that I had promised to wash 10 years ago. Then, there is a photo of me in bed, sick because I put off taking a flu shot week after week.
What I actually decided to do was to haul Earl in.
"Earl? I don't think I know the guy," my mom said.
"He's the withered, useless thing in the living room," I answered.
"I hope you're not talking about your father," mom said.
"Uh, no. I'm talking about our Christmas tree."
"OK, but why does the tree have a name and why did you decide to bring it to the board?" mom asked.
I could answer the latter question, but the former one made me panic. I took a deep breath and explained, "Earl is like any grown child in this house, useless and Mom wants 'em out. So I thought, hey, the thing deserved a name."
MOM just stared at me. This wasn't good. Since yelling "The sky is falling" didn't divert her attention, I changed the subject by answering her latter question.
"Like you, Mom, the board questioned my reason for hauling Earl in, so I handed them my journal, which explains everything.
Dec. 26 -- Gotta get rid of the tree. Ah, I've got plenty of time. I'll get to it ASAP.
Dec. 29 -- Gotta drop off the pine at ... where are those mulching sites again? I must make some phone calls. I'll get to it ASAP.
Jan. 31 -- I finally made the call to the mulching sites. Now I know that the last day of pine mulching was two weeks ago. Oops.
Anyhow, when the board read my journal, they realized I was a genuine procrastinator, which meant I didn't have to go through the third step for membership consideration, which was to bark and clap like a seal for the board members.
"So how do you feel about your son being a member of the IGTIASAP club," I asked my mom.
Walking away, she murmured something like, "I've got a sane kid," or maybe it was, "I've got a strange kid."
Then she screamed, "I want that tree outta here, NOW!"
"OK, OK! Sheesh. I'll get to it ASAP."
Warren Kaneshiro is a first-year student at the
University of Hawaii at Manoa who's glad he doesn't make
enough money to file taxes.Rant & Rave is a Tuesday Star-Bulletin feature
allowing those 12 to 22 to serve up fresh perspectives.
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