LAST week I proposed that the Hawaii Visitors and Convention Bureau set up a SWAT team to pinpoint areas of prosperity on the mainland try to convince residents of those areas to vacation in Hawaii. Montana town needs
aloha, we need kalaIn this case, SWAT stands for "Seek Well-heeled American Tourists." The idea would be that, because of the bad Japanese tourism market, we should change our advertising focus from the Land of the Rising Sun to the Land of the Rising Dow.
The economy is so good on the mainland that high-level government officials can walk around without pants. (A quick aside here. Is it just me or does anyone else think that rocker George Michael is getting a raw deal? President Clinton whips out his Executive Privilege in front of Paula Jones and a judge calls it "boorish behavior." Michael airs his assets alone in a Beverly Hills public restroom and, Wham!, he's arrested for lewdness. It's a crazy world.)
Anyway, the thing that got me flashing on the SWAT team idea was a news item about Columbia Falls, Mont. About 1,000 residents won a $97 million suit against an aluminum plant. In the next few days, they will be paid between $1,000 and $250,000 each. I suggested it would be worthwhile to try to convince some of the Columbia Falls nouveau riche to celebrate their win with a trip to Hawaii. Air-drop a luau onto Main Street, run ads in the local paper and try to coax some of the 97 mill our way.
I wondered what the Columbia Falls folks thought of the idea, so I called City Director Myrt Webb.
"It sounds great!" he said. He said Columbia Falls residents often take junkets to Mexico and the Caribbean, so they might be open to a little seduction from Hawaii.
Debbie Melby, owner of the only travel agency in the northern Montana town (Melby's Voyageur Travel), said the soon-to-be-cash-comfy residents would love to come to Hawaii if the price were right.
Usually, it costs about $1,000 per person for air fare and lodging in Hawaii, she said. If the visitors bureau here could arrange a cheaper charter package deal, Columbia Falls residents would probably fill the plane.
"That would be wonderful!" she said.
I suggested that maybe throwing a little luau in the center of Columbia Falls, complete with free flowers, kalua pig and hula dancers, might not only convince residents there to come to Hawaii, but the resulting publicity might create a wave of tourism from the frigid north country. (To be fair, Webb says El Nino has created unseasonable mild weather.)
Webb also points out that there suddenly are a lot of people trying to wrestle the new-found wealth from residents. Any pitch would have to be in good taste. Sorry, Mel Cabang, you can't go. (Note to Columbia Falls residents: Mel Cabang is a longtime Hawaii comedian, known for telling really dirty jokes, who just got indicted for allegedly running a large sports gambling operation ... on the other hand, never mind.)
Tom Lawrence, managing editor of the local paper, the Hungry Horse News, says residents don't want to face any hard sell.
The big payoff is the result of a five-year-long bitter legal battle, he said. They didn't win a lottery, they had to pry every dollar that had been withheld from them from the company. A lot of the settlement is going to attorneys and the IRS.
While many residents are looking forward to paying off mortgages and buying new vehicles, there are probably quite a few that would love to celebrate their hard-fought victory in Hawaii as long as they weren't getting gouged.
"Do something nice for these guys," he said. "They deserve it."
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
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71224.113@compuserve.com.
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