IT'S not my fault. It's just that I have the uncanny ability to bum people out. I've recently bummed out all the Hawaii gamblers who were excited that they could now place bets via the Internet on just about anything that moves, from professional football to girl's field hockey. Bettors bummed by
Bahama bustI disclosed here a few weeks ago that there are many "virtual casino" sites on the Internet where Hawaii residents can gamble. Police say such gambling is illegal, even though the bases of operations for these casinos are "offshore," usually in the Bahamas or Caribbean. (Maybe the Bahamas are in the Caribbean. I should check it out but this will be a good time to get back at those East Coast newspapers that recently called Kauai a "South Sea island." If Kauai is a "South Sea island," Alaska is a "South Sea peninsula.")
Anyway, I talked to a few people who actually gambled on the 'Net and they were convinced it's legal. The police said it is as illegal as using your telephone to place bets in Las Vegas. You are still using the phone lines, computer modem or not. In fact, I pointed out that there is a 1961 federal wire statute specifically barring gambling over phone lines.
The thing is, it is almost impossible to know who is visiting the virtual casinos, because all Internet links go through local service providers, not to specific web sites. So, while it might be illegal, on-line gambling, from the gamblers' point of view, is virtually unenforceable.
Not so from the casino web site operators' point of view.
Attorney General Janet Reno this week indicted the owners and managers of 14 of the 'Net casinos, charging them with conspiracy to violate that 1961 law I had mentioned.
"The Internet is not an electronic sanctuary for illegal betting," Reno said.
BUMMER, said some local bettors. Then they suggested that, maybe, it was my column that tipped Reno off.
Please. If East Coasters don't even know whether Hawaii is in the southern or northern hemisphere, I doubt Washington investigators monitor Honolulu Lite for information about criminal enterprises. Not that I wouldn't like to believe it.
I'd like to think that when Reno sits down at her desk with her first cup of coffee in the morning, she shouts to her aides: "Bring in the latest column by that South Seas investigative humorist! AHA! He's exposed a giant, right-wing, offshore, Internet gambling conspiracy! Head for the martini bars and 'round up the grand jurors!"
The local gamblers were bummed anyway. But they haven't lost hope. Most of the indicted casino operators don't live in the United States.
One of those charged said his company was "licensed and regulated to do what we do under the Antigua government."
That, no doubt, set Reno's chin a-trembling. You think Iraq is scary, you don't even want to get Antigua riled. (Note to Kofi Annan: Get your butt to Antigua before the bombs start flying.)
Hawaii residents who gambled on the Internet are probably safe from prosecution. Most of them sincerely believed -- and some still do -- that gambling in offshore casinos via the 'Net is perfectly legal. Besides, investigators would have to seize all the indicted companies' records in order to find out who had accounts with them.
I hope they don't do that. That could make me extremely unpopular in a few watering holes around town.
So, you might risk more than money to gamble on the 'Net. Maybe until this case is settled, it would be better just to fly to that South Seas gambling mecca: Las Vegas. I think that is still legal.