Los Angeles Times Syndicate

PETER, 46, is going to be "downsized"; his boss at a major Honolulu company calls it "right- sizing." Whatever the term, it means the same thing: Peter is being laid off.

Peter, humiliated by his first unemployment in 20 years, asked that his real name and even that of his company not be mentioned.

"I knew sales were low; I knew the Asian economic crisis was hurting the company; I was afraid the handwriting was on the wall. I was right."

The first couple of weeks after learning he'd be out of a job, Peter's wife was very supportive. She did all the right things: She went over their budget and decided how they could cut spending. She made a pact with herself to stay away from stores and not buy anything that wasn't absolutely necessary. She scanned want ads, talked to friends about possible job opportunities, bought a book on resume writing, made special dinners, suggested taking walks and generally kept a smile on her face.

But nearly a month later, Susan feels her resolve as No. 1 supporter is waning.

"Pete's not doing much of anything to find a job," she said. "His feet seem to be stuck in concrete. And when I try to talk to him he closes me out. He says, "There's nothing to say.' "

From bankers to store clerks to government workers, lots of people in Hawaii are talking about losing their jobs.

In years past, workers who were older or more educated or in white-collar jobs were less likely to be displaced. That pretty much remained true in the early 1990s, but according to U.S. Department of Labor figures, the most dramatic increases in job loss rates now are recorded by managers, workers in sales -- like Peter -- administration, and the financial services industry.

Whether job loss is brought about by a layoff or a factor such as a debilitating accident, the immediate effect is the same, experts say: Shock, panic, depression and anger.

"In many ways no one is completely safe," said Harry Kasanow of Kasanow & Associates, a wealth management company in Manoa.

"The wise person, whether white collar or blue collar, does not put his head in the sand or wait to plan until next year. They start today."

Dan, 38, is single. An apprentice plumber, he's worked for the same contractor more than 10 years. Sure, he lived paycheck to paycheck, he says, but he was never late paying a bill and was disciplined enough to live within his means, though there was never money to put aside.

Two months ago, Dan's boss gave him the bad news. "Construction was down, way down," Dan said in the cab he now drives. "I had less seniority, less experience than others, so I was the first to go."

Dan had two weeks' salary to live on. The money quickly ran out and without any construction offers, he reluctantly started driving a cab 12 hours a day.

"It's a little embarrassing when I bump into my old work friends that I used to hang out with or the guys I play basketball with," he said. "But I gotta eat, gotta pay rent."

Emotional struggles can be as painful as financial ones, counselors stress. If a mate or friend is struggling with the eventual reality of a job loss, expect several common reactions, said Rhonda Corley, director of Castle Hospital's Employee Assistance Program.

"First, the person often feels a sense of shame," she said. "Even if a lot of other people are losing their jobs at the same time, the person still has nagging thoughts about not being good enough to be asked to stay."

And along with a sense of shame comes a loss of self-esteem. "Who am I?" and "What is my true worth?" are questions the person frequently asks, Corley said.

Castle's assistance program is used by companies to help employees with personal or work-related problems, including pending layoffs. Employees seeking such counseling are of all ages, from 18 to their 50s.

"Those with families or single parents suffer the most from being laid off," Corley said. The laid-off worker is confused, depressed and angry because being out of work is such a major disruption in their life, she said.

"To lose your livelihood is a very real crisis. And there are lots of identity issues like self worth."

Counseling before a job loss is important so the worker is not alone with the feelings he or she is having, Corley said. She compares job loss to grieving for the a loved one.

"The first reaction is panic and anger. Then some people go through denial. These are all the stages of grief."

The person is encouraged to talk about their feelings. "Some people withdraw so we very quickly encourage them to seek out a support system. Some companies offer programs where they have counselors talk to the employees about what they are going to do and what to expect."

Accepting reality is important because only then can the laid-off worker realistically adapt, Corley said. That includes making a plan, scheduling a back-to-work strategy, updating the resume, putting job feelers out.

"If the person doesn't move out of this stage, we strongly recommend that he or she see a therapist who can help them sort through the feelings and set specific weekly goals to get them moving," she said.

Anger at being uprooted can be helpful when people take on an "I'll show them" attitude, Corley said.

"Once a person moves to this position, you can expect action like resume writing, talking to job counselors, searching want ads and sending out resumes."

One of the worse aspects of losing a job is the loss of self-confidence. That's why it's so important that even before starting a job search, lay-off victims take steps to overcome the psychological effects of being dismissed, she said.

"People who feel confident are more likely to conduct thorough searches and to do well in job interviews," she said. "Successful job seekers learn to accept that life simply isn't fair at times. They focus their energy on making a plan and finding ways to keep their self-esteem intact. Letting go of bitterness is critical because anger and discouragement can be noticed in an interview."

COPING

Victims of job loss often have to fight inertia, loss of self-esteem and possibly serious depression. Here are some suggestions from experts, including Castle Medical Center's Employee Assistance Program:

Make a schedule daily: Call job contacts every morning, work on your resume and write cover letters after lunch. Don't sleep in; spend at least six hours a day job hunting.

Stay healthy: Eat well, exercise, drink only in moderation.

Keep a journal: Write or draw your feelings, especially if you don't feel comfortable talking about them.

Explain the situation to your children: Especially if they're old enough to understand and if they will be affected by reductions in the family budget. Listen to their fears as well.

Remember other crises in your life: You got through those. Remember how you coped then and do it again.

Something good could come out of all this: You could learn new job skills, or emotional skills in coping. You could become closer to a member of your family as a result of this experience, or gain a sense of survival you can call on next time around. Chances are you will find another job; and chances are you could lose one again, too.

An ounce of prevention can ward off financial desperation Losing a job is frightening. Always. But a financial experts says you can still control your financial affairs if you plan carefully and use money-stretching tips before you're out of work. The best defense always comes from the best offense. That means it is never, ever too late to start planning for a financial emergency, says Harry Kasanow, president of wealth planners Kasanow & Associates in Manoa. "People need to have something put aside for contingencies that will occur -- make no mistake about it," Kasanow said. "Ideally we try to help them put several months of reserve aside. Some planners say you need to have three to six months of income, but we don't decide that until after we crunch the numbers to see if the person has the wherewithal and cash flow to put six months of earnings away." There are plenty of excuses -- and solid reasons -- why some people can't put that much money aside, Kasanow said. And there is no really easy way to save, though the least painful is payroll deduction. "If you don't see it, you won't spend it," he said. "You live on what you have left." For emergencies, fluid cash is a must. "People can go from affluent to poor overnight if their money is not immediately available." If you're unsure of your job situation, Kasanow has suggestions: Start saving every penny of discretionary income. Cut out unnecessary expenses. Keep funds liquid, don't lock up your savings in the stock market. Set a goal of setting aside three to six months of necessary fixed expenses. Start your job search before you're laid off. Eliminate credit-card debt. "You really only need two credit cards: One to use for traveling and a Discover Card for Costco." Credit cards charge 12 to 18 percent interest. Talk to your banker or go to a nonprofit credit counseling agency for help. It's often harder to cope with the stress of being unemployed than it is to make ends meet, especially if yours is a two-income household. Calculate your net worth: Add up what you own and subtract what you owe. You may have assets that can be converted to cash. To balance income and outgo, you must know exactly how much money is coming in and how it is spent. Study check stubs and receipts to estimate what you are spending and make cuts. Anticipate upcoming big bills such as insurance payments and plan ways to pay for them. Be sure your family is covered by adequate life and health insurance while you aren't working. You may be able to get individual insurance from your ex-employer's insurer. Use savings or emergency funds sparingly. "If the car's transmission goes out or the rent has to be paid, that's a legitimate use." Tim Ryan, Star-Bulletin

By the numbers

Massive job cuts have been announced in the last month:

Liberty House: 500 of 4,200 jobs; 170 through layoffs

Bank of Hawaii: 550 of 3,600 jobs through two years

Foodland: 137 of 2,000 jobs when three stores close

Japan Airlines: 80-90 jobs at Honolulu airport

City government: 335 of 9,100 jobs; 185 in layoffs

Take the initiative

Steps you can take upon becoming unemployed:

Make sure you're getting all the severance pay and benefits you are entitled to: Apply for unemployment benefits, and don't worry about any stigma. Your ex-employer paid taxes into the unemployment fund so the money would be available for you.

Tell your creditors: If there is a chance you will be late on mortgage and other debt payments, it is better to let the lender know in advance. Sometimes late payments can be arranged.

How to help

What can family, friends can do:

Don't say you know just how it feels: You don't. And no one wants to hear your war stories. Maybe later, but not in the beginning.

Too much idle time can be depressing: So expecting a spouse to prepare some meals and do the laundry will be helpful to both of you.

Don't ask what your unemployed spouse did all day: That could translate to "Did you land an interview or find a job?"