I have a confession to make. I'm an idiot. I know, it's not exactly ground-breaking news. I admit to being an idiot three or four times a year. It takes a village idiot
to confessI usually admit it after I do something idiotic, like I did last week. I was trying to point out that the difference between President Clinton's current mess and his previous messes is that the national news media is actively stirring up this mess.
That was an understatement. The national press has gone completely bonkers over allegations that Clinton engaged in something most people would consider sex with White House aide Monica Lewinsky. (If what they were doing was not sex, that is happy news for the exotic-massage-call-girl industry.)
I was comparing Clinton's alleged sexual transgressions with the transgressions of other political figures. And this is where my idiot lobe kicked in. I meant to remind people about Oregon Sen. Bob Packwood, who was forced from office because he had the habit of kissing women without their permission. I inadvertently inserted the name of another Oregon senator, who has led an exemplary life as a public servant.
I won't tell you who that other guy was, because I don't think he deserves to have his name floating around yet another Clinton-sexual-escapades column. I may be an idiot, but I'm not stupid.
That mistake resulted in a flood of e-mail, some extremely hostile and nasty. As someone who has lived in Oregon (Oregon State University, Class of '76. Go Beavers), I can understand the anger. But come on, it was an honest mistake. Idiotic, but honest.
Former President Jimmy Carter once accidentally called Hubert Humphrey "Hubert Horatio Hornblower" in front of the entire world. He
didn't get any e-mail saying he ought to be sued by Capt. Hornblower. (For the record, Horatio Hornblower was a public figure, albeit a fictional one, and Carter had no actual malice against him.)
At least I am admitting my mistake. I'm not issuing some cleverly worded statement like "There IS no IMPROPER mention of (the other Oregon senator)."
Anyway, since that column, all hell has broken loose against the president to the extent that I'm actually beginning to feel sorry for the guy. I think it is unfortunate that someone in his position (i.e., most powerful person in the world) can't do better than to score with big-haired floozies. At least John F. Kennedy had the sense to go after Marilyn Monroe, a big-haired HOLLYWOOD floozy.
(It does set a new threshold for put-downs: "You couldn't score with a White House intern if you had a fistful of top secret clearances.")
I think Clinton's making a mistake letting Hillary take the lead in publicly fighting the charges of infidelity and cover-up. She claims the whole thing is a "right-wing conspiracy," which brings up images of the Oklahoma City bombing, Montana militias and, I guess, the flat-tax proposal. I'd be interested in knowing what right winger hired Monica Lewinsky, allowed foreign nationals to make illegal campaign contributions to the Democratic Party, fired everyone in the travel office so the Clintons' Arkansas cronies could take over, and caused FBI files on Republicans to be delivered to the head of White House security. That is one right-wing nut who should be locked up immediately.
If I were counseling Clinton, I'd tell him to confess his sexual shenanigans and beg for forgiveness. He might even claim he is suffering from a sexual compulsive disorder and is the ultimate victim in all this. It worked for television evangelist Jimmy Swaggart. At least, I think it was Jimmy Swaggart. Maybe it was Hubert Horatio Hornblower.