GOOD morning, Mr. President. Make yourself comfortable in the easy chair or, if you'd prefer, you may recline on the couch. Now, tell me about your week. A therapy session
with President Clinton"Are you kidding, Dr. Therapy? It's been a horrendous past few days! Haven't you watched television news or read the papers?"
Yes, I have, Mr. President. But I want to hear about it in your own words.
"I'm in real trouble, Doc. A former White House intern, Monica Lewinsky, told her girlfriend that we had an 18-month love affair, even though she had previously signed a sworn affidavit for the Paula Jones people denying any sexual relationship with me. She also told this girlfriend, Linda Tripp, that Vernon and I told her to lie about it."
Umm, hmm. Go on, Mr. President.
"The bad news is Linda Tripp has tape recordings of Monica saying all of this. Even worse, that big pain in the butt who calls himself an 'independent' counsel, Kenneth Starr, is gathering evidence and subpoenaing records because his Whitewater case is weak. But the worst news of all is that Monica's attorney is hinting that she may agree to a plea bargain and testify against me."
And how does that make you feel?
"Don't patronize me, Doc. How do you think I feel? I'm stressed out. And I'm angry."
At whom?
"Mostly at the media. They are really going after me on this one."
Perhaps the press is aggressively pursuing the story because of the high-level of public interest in this issue. In fact, I've noticed that even when private citizens complain about the so-called media hype surrounding your predicament, they are the very ones buying newspapers and magazines, and watching TV newscasts and special reports, to find out the latest developments.
"Now that you mention it, I'm also upset at the American people. Is it anybody's business what I do in my private life?"
In my opinion, Mr. President, most citizens aren't that interested in the nature of your relationship with Monica, but are more concerned that you may have lied about it, and told her to lie about it. They're worried that, if you didn't tell the truth about this, how many other times have you lied to them about some presidential decision affecting national and international policy?
Also, Mr. President, remember when we talked about the awesome responsibility that comes with positions of power and authority? Even if Monica flirted and threw herself at you, you -- as her boss -- had a duty to reject her advances since it may be construed as sexual harassment in the workplace. It is very common for a female employee to withstand and even accept bothersome sexual advances from her boss, for fear of losing her job and getting a poor reference if she says no.
Finally, who presumably has more wisdom, self-restraint and life experience from which to draw: a star-struck 24-year-old or the leader of the free world?
"Shelve the sermon, Doc. Tell me what to do."
MY suggestion, Mr. President, is that you bare your soul and tell all -- without regard to the political, personal and legal consequences, how it affects the presidential race in the year 2000 or how you will be remembered in history. These things are not more important than the truth. Believe me, everybody will respect you, as long as you are honest with them.
"Dr. Therapy. Are you crazy?"