IT'S a rather shocking thing to see Mrs. Santa Claus flat on her back, legs up in the air. But there she was, outside Honolulu Hale on the back of a flatbed truck last week, ready, apparently, to be hauled away to the warehouse of Christmas past. The Seed of cloning is planted
They had already taken Santa away. It's kind of sad, really. For me, Christmas doesn't start until they put those 20-foot high figures of Mr. and Mrs. Claus in the fountain in front of city hall. They sit their with their bare legs dangling in the water, Santa flashing a big ol' shaka sign.
I had never seen workers take them away before and figured they might do it with a little more sensitivity, especially for Mrs. Santa. The legs in the air were just a little too weird. I thought, "My god, give the old girl some dignity. Or at least a pair of sunglasses so no one will recognize her."
To make things even more degrading, there was a huge sign saying "Wide Load" on the front and back of the truck.
For some reason, it got me thinking about motherhood, which is rapidly becoming doctorhood. Things happen in life that make you believe that there is some great force sort of controlling everything. How else would we suddenly be faced with a man with the extremely ironic name of Dr. Richard Seed claiming he wants to be the first person to clone humans. Dr. Seed. And let's not even get into the nickname for Richard.
ONLY a god with a sense of humor could come up with a Dr. Seed as the first guy to clone humans. Hollywood wouldn't even have tried it. ("Coming to a theater near you! The evil Dr. Seed, his lovely assistant Nurse Eggbeater and the mysterious Professor Ova plot to take over the world by cloning armies of national league basketball players. Hear Dr. Seed vow: "Ve vill make .... HUMANS! Who can DUNK! And make THREE-POINTERS at vill!" Yes, it's Kevin Costner as the dastardly Dr. Seed in "Dances With Selves!")
Everyone is all excited that Dr. Seed just might do it. He just might start cloning humans. If not in the United States, then in Mexico. Why Mexico, I don't know. It's not as if Mexico doesn't have enough trouble without some wacky doctore from America coming down an cloning hundreds of Julio Iglesias.
So, Dr. Seed has placed the fear of God into everyone with his threats. I think it's a little hypocritical. I mean, doctors give some woman a synthetic hormone and she gives birth to seven babies and everyone calls it a miracle. It's a miracle! She had a litter!
No, it's creepy. Human women shouldn't give birth to litters. I say, animals should only have as many babies at one time as they have breasts. And you can't count your husband's breasts, because they don't work.
How much more different is it to cause cloning inside a woman by giving her drugs that make her have multiple births and cloning the egg before it goes into the woman? I don't know. All I know is that it is all very strange.
I've always believed that it is the diversity of life that makes the human race strong. Because we are all so different genetically, we can withstand plagues and viruses and who knows what else. Sure, epidemics have wiped out millions of people around the world, but it is the small differences in an individual's genes that allow some to live and some to die. Those who live are more adaptable in the future. If we begin to develop a large population of clones, they all will be subject to the same diseases and, I suppose, taste in television shows.
Although that might be good for network ratings, I suspect it will be very bad for the human race.