I was a little surprised to see CNN's Peter Arnett lurking around the Kawaiahao Plaza offices of Bishop Estate recently. I mean, I know the Bishop Estate flap has begun to get some national attention, but I didn't know it had gone this far. Siege takes hold in
estate war zoneI wanted to find out what this noted war correspondent was doing walking around with a portable satellite dish on his head, so I trailed him to a trailer behind Kawaiahao Church and listened in while he beamed this report to CNN's Atlanta offices.
"Greetings from Honolulu, where the battle of nerves continues to rage between island authorities and the omnipotent Bishop Estate, the renegade private trust controlled by four despotic strongmen and one strongwoman.
"Tensions are high as local law enforcement agencies continue to attempt to force the trustees to open up their palatial offices and files to state investigators. Negotiations have all but ceased between the attorney general's office and high-level legal ministers representing the estate. The trustees have turned over some files but investigators think the estate is still hiding sensitive documents, possibly moving them around to keep them from government inspectors.
"It was learned that Attorney General Margery Bronster has ordered U-2 flyovers of the estate offices and the Kamehameha Schools campus in order to ascertain the sensitive files' whereabouts. It was unclear whether those flyovers would be conducted by U-2 spy airplanes or by U2 lead singer Bono, who is hiding out in Hawaii because his group's current international tour is sucking big time.
"Despite international pressure, Bishop Estate refuses to access to its palatial offices. I asked estate information minister Sheik Doug Carlson to comment on the current impasse:"
Carlson: These files being requested are sovereign property of Bishop Estate and it is an affront to the international private charity community that any government would attempt to forcefully take the files. We regard these recent subpoenas as legal missiles illegally fired at a sovereign estate. We will retaliate by firing our own subpoena-tipped legal warheads at the attorney general's of-fice in order to defend ourselves.
"Carlson, who has represented the estate for all of 46 minutes, said he mainly is interested in defending the honor of trustee Lokelani Lindsey, because 'hey, somebody's gotta do it.'
"When asked to comment on specific allegations of mismanagement, conflicts of interest and possible criminal violations by Lindsey and the other trustees, Carlson pointed toward a large tree, said, 'Hey! What's that over there?!' and then sprinted into the building when the cameras were turned away.
"Meanwhile, eight teams of inspectors drove in a convoy from the attorney general's office to the estate, which was stupid, since it's only a block away, while three helicopters circled overhead photographing trustee Henry Peters while he walked to Columbia Inn to have lunch.
"It appears that an internal coup attempt to force the trustees to step down has not been successful. The trustees have hunkered down in their legal bunkers, protected by 18 lawyers each, along with 17 public relations spokespeople, five accountants, seven psychics, two personal trainers and the entire custodial staff, which they have renamed 'human shields.'
"The trustees also have instructed their employees to scrawl anti-attorney general slogans in the local newspapers and have begun a flanking public relations action using the elite Democratic Guard force of state legislators they have on payroll.
"So, that's the way it is here at ground zero. We'll keep our special cameras with the night lenses trained on the Bishop Estate palaces in case there are any fireworks. Until later, I'm Peter Arnett."