I'VE been waiting for days and the call hasn't come. Frankly, I'm beginning to think that the Bishop Estate trustees aren't going to hire me to replace their outgoing mouthpiece, Elisa Yadao. Elisa, Rene, Bill, Paula and squirrels
Rats. Let me speak to the trustees privately for a minute.
(Pssst. Hey, fellas and Ms. Lindsay. I know we've had our differences over the years. But you know I've only had your best interests at heart when I've offered my gentle suggestions about how to improve things. OK, sometimes I've been a tad critical. But it's only because I care about you knuckleheads. Come on. Pick up the phone. Make me an offer.)
Oh, well. I didn't think I had much of a chance anyway. I
wasn't surprised that Yadao jumped ship and is headed back to television to work at KHNL. What good is being in charge of communications when you don't know what you are supposed to be communicating? There's no singular corporate voice anymore, so there isn't any need for a Bishop Estate "no comment" maker like Yadao.
I heard through an incontrovertible source that someone from a rival television station asked Elisa how she is going to stand "working with those overpaid egomaniacs" at Channel 8. Gee. It'll be really hard working with a maniac like Dan Cooke after working with such sensitive, barely compensated sweethearts like trustees Dickie Wong and Henry Peters.
Anyway, good luck, Elisa. I've got to move on to other business.
Bill Clinton hasn't done many things for which I respect him. But he did this weekend. He took a whiz behind a tree on a golf course. Peeing against trees while golfing is one of the reasons men golf. Otherwise, golf is basically the way Mark Twain described it: "A pleasant walk, ruined."
I'm surprised Clinton hasn't been pummeled by the Hug A Tree Coalition. Peeing on trees, I'm sure, enlarges the ozone hole or something. Actually, I'm not surprised. Clinton gets away with a lot of things that have doomed lesser political figures. Even Jimmy Carter's brother, the beer-swilling Billy, was pilloried by the press for watering the wormwoods outside the Plains, Ga., airport.
With the Paula Jones allegations and all, we've heard way too much about Clinton's "Old Fella" in recent months. As a result of piddling on the golf course, I suppose we now will have to hear about a sexual harassment suit being filed by a squirrel.
Other business: There she goes again. City Council person Rene Mansho wants to change the name of the "City and County of Honolulu" to the "County of Oahu."
If we were in a robust economy with hundreds of new businesses beating a path to our state and thousands of happy residents dancing in the streets, celebrating reasonable taxes, I could see making such a fine-tuning adjustment.
But that's not the case. Businesses are being strangled by overregulation and oppressive government intrusion. There are so many real problems to worry about it is hard to believe that Mansho would even consider raising such a idea.
How much will it cost to reprint, repaint and rewrite everything that has "City and County of Honolulu" on it? Millions.
The City Council has a congenital problem of keeping its eye on the ball. Imagine what would happen at a board meeting of a private corporation facing financial hard times if one of the board members chirped up and suggested redesigning the company's letterhead?
Rene and the entire Council should focus their entire beings on getting the city back on its financial feet, not on what kind of label should be on its shoes.