EINSTEIN couldn't explain it. Carl Sagan couldn't explain it. Even Stephen Hawkings, the biggest living brain alive, can't explain it. Donate pint of aloha
for holidaysWhy does the time between Halloween and New Year's compress to one third of its usual mass? It does. The year sort of stumbles along in normal time mode until Oct. 31 and than, bam! it goes turbo. The days fly past.
I used to think that time speeds up because the days are shorter. And I thought days are shorter because it's the rainy season and we all know how things shrink when they get wet.
But it's more than that. There has to be some cosmic reason why time speeds up from Oct. 31 to Jan. 1. I'm sure it has something to do with Black Holes, the space-time continuum and Sears, which slyly starts hauling out it's Christmas stuff on Labor Day.
And it's not just that the days are shorter. This is the time of year when people start to act weird. They are ready to rip your head off if you take a parking space at Ala Moana Center that they had their eye on. They'll gut punch you to get the last "Tickle Me Elmo" doll.
Reports of man's inhumanity to man already have begun to pour in. I received a letter from a Honolulu Lite operative reporting that some scumbag has been stealing goods left outside the Goodwill Store in Kaimuki and selling them at swap meets. That kind of thing doesn't worry me too much. I figure the bachi gods will exact their own retribution against this jerk. But if you happen to be driving past the Goodwill store early one morning and see this guy, call the police or, I suppose, the Sears Quantum Holiday Physics Enforcement Branch.
There's nothing you can do about the holiday-time-compression phenomenon but there is something you can do to counteract the dark forces that seem to rise up this time of year.
Give blood.
WAIT, you weenies. Don't go running off to another part of the paper. This is serious. The darkest secret of this time of year is not that the days whiz by, but that more people need blood than just about any other time of the year. It's probably all tied together. Everyone's uptight, edgy, stressed. More people drink. More people get hurt. More people need blood.
I told my friends at the Blood Bank of Hawaii that I'd try to scare up at least 30 new donors for them. So here's the deal. If you've never given blood before, call the Blood Bank and make an appointment (845-9966 on Oahu; 1-800-372-9966 from the Neighbor Islands.) The first 30 new donors will get, absolutely free, the official, brand new Honolulu Star-Bulletin's "We Make Waves" T-shirt.
All right, it's not like getting a new car, but at least it's something.
Giving blood doesn't hurt or I wouldn't do it. Trust me, I'm a wuss when it comes to pain, especially my own.
The main thing is that when you give a pint of blood, you can help three people survive who otherwise might not make it through the holidays. Your blood is separated into three components: red blood cells that go to people in surgery or who have lost a lot of blood; platelets, to maintain blood-clotting during chemotherapy; and plasma, used for shock and liver disease.
If you work downtown, there's a Blood Bank office just a short walk away. Instead of spending your lunch time wrestling with Christmas shoppers, you can lie back in a cool, pleasant room, read a magazine and give a small bag of the best aloha imaginable.
When you're done, you'll get some juice, a doughnut, the undying admiration of your friends and, of course, the free T-shirt.
I'm not saying giving blood will make the holidays less hectic, but they might feel that way.