AN Ewa Beach man was fined $7,000 by the Hawaii Civil Rights Commission because he's not Tom Selleck. Sex harassers usually
hulks, not hunksBasically, the man, a landlord, offered a female tenant free lodging if the tenant would have sex with him.
Under the law, that probably would not be considered sexual harassment, as long as the landlord was Tom Selleck or some other rich, famous hunk. Then, many prospective tenants might have considered the offer quite flattering, not to say too cool to pass up.
But since this landlord was of the average, non-Tom Selleck variety, and because he persisted in making his indecent proposals, the Hawaii Civil Rights Commission decided he had sexually harassed the woman and fined him.
Actually, this case probably isn't the best one to use to make the point that sexual harassment is a charge generally used against ugly men. I don't know if the Ewa Beach guy was ugly or not. He clearly wasn't charming. His proposals and comments to his tenant went well beyond the bounds of good taste and manners. So he probably deserved to get a big fine.
But in a broader sense, the subject of sexual harassment is one misunderstood by a lot of people.
I once was talking to a clerk at Blockbuster about which new videos were available. She mentioned the title of one and I said, "Nah, that's a chick flick. I'm not into chick flicks." She squealed, "That's sexual harassment! That's sexual harassment!"
I said, no, it wasn't harassment, it was free speech. But it showed how misinformed the woman was. She interprets any gender-specific comment -- even one accurately describing a film made specifically for a female audience -- as somehow being harassing to her, even though I was a customer, not her boss or anyone who had any type of control over her.
THE situation gets even more perplexing in the office environment. There are some women who enjoy risque banter with certain men. There are other women who are deeply offended by any conversation with a man that has even vague sexual overtones. One of the problems is that most men have no clue which women are which. But the bigger problem is that even if a guy could identify a woman who was not opposed to lively risque banter, she wouldn't want to engage in risque banter with HIM.
This is what I call the Tom Selleck Sexual Harassment Syndrome. I'm thinking of putting out a little handbook to explain it to men and help them navigate the shoals and reefs of male/female interoffice social interplay.
The basic rule is for men to ask themselves one question: Am I Tom Selleck?
If the answer is no, then they should avoid making any unsolicited comments of a sexual nature to any woman whatsoever. In fact, they probably shouldn't open their mouth at all.
The second rule is not to compliment any woman about the way she is dressed, even if she's wearing a tight, see-through dress made of gauze.
Yes, she wore the dress to get attention. But she didn't wear it to get attention from YOU. You are an ugly man. You are not Tom Selleck.
In fact, the best way to avoid any charges of sexual harassment is just to spend the entire day saying quietly to yourself: "I'm an ugly man. I'm an ugly man. I'm an ugly man."
Some women might misinterpret this harsh self-assessment as manly confidence and find it alluring. They might come up to you and say, "You're not an ugly man. You're cute. You've got nice buns. Do you like my dress?"
Don't fall for it. It's a trap. You are an ugly man. And you are not Tom Selleck.