EVERY time we let our Shar-pei Bingo out into the yard, the neighbor dogs soon erupt into angry barking. I followed Bingo outside recently to see what the commotion was about. Here's what I discovered: Getting mad gives
other guy an edgeWhen Bingo goes out, the neighbor dogs -- beautiful and formidable animals about twice his size -- come up to the wire fence between the yards to see what's going on. Bingo strolls up to the fence, lifts his leg and directs a stream of urine at them. The other dogs, unable to get at him, go mental.
I didn't fully understand this doggie turf thing until a conversation the following week with my son Jared.
Bingo the Shar-pei
We were in the car and he asked me how work was going. I said work was OK, although I seemed to be ticking off a lot of people lately -- including the governor and the mayor.
"It must really be an ego trip to get guys like that mad at you," Jared said.
"I don't take much ego satisfaction from it," I said, although I had to admit to myself that I wouldn't have mentioned it if I didn't think it reflected favorably on me.
Then Jared said one of those rare, profound things that forever changed my life view.
"People give you a lot of power over them when they let you make them mad," he said. "They're giving you space inside their heads. What bigger power could you have over someone than to own space in his head?"
I was overwhelmed by the truth of what Jared said. It explained Bingo's behavior. He was outnumbered and overmatched by the other dogs. Grabbing some space inside their heads might give him a small edge if he ever had to face them without the fence between them. Maybe enough of an edge to save him from filling the space between their teeth.
It began to explain why I've felt unusually clear-thinking and focused the last couple of years. I've launched several successful personal and professional projects. I've received more recognition for my efforts than ever before.
I've tried to figure out what caused the improvement, but couldn't put my finger on it until I applied Jared's wisdom to a couple of boneheads who send me anonymous letters insulting my heritage in the ugliest terms.
One of them refers to me as the Managing Jew. Since I don't have the pleasure of knowing who he is, I just call him the Gutless Yahoo. I call the other one the Inbred Imbecile.
I was happy to note after talking to Jared that these guys have never really gotten me angry. I've always resisted grudges that would give up space in my head to anyone.
They, on the other hand, are angry that I even exist and have granted me a long-term lease on space in their heads. In fact, as I thought about it I realized their letters resumed two years ago after a few years of silence.
WHICH explains why my thinking has been so clear the last couple of years. I've been able to dump my usual dumb ideas from my head into the space the Gutless Yahoo has so generously provided me in his head. My brain has extra room to operate without having to work around the clutter that I've moved over to my space in the Inbred Imbecile's head.
It also explains my recent strained relations with Governor Cayetano and Mayor Harris. The Inbred Imbecile mistakenly believes we are all of the same ethnic and religious heritage and has given the governor and mayor their own parcels of real estate in his head. I guess the three of us have gotten irritable from spending too much time together in the cramped quarters of his puny cranium.