UNCLE Tom Moffatt has a way of connecting with listeners to his daily morning oldies radio show. Moffat knows the
talk to walk, li’datFor one thing, everyone who calls in has to say from what high school they graduated. That's one of those "only in Hawaii" things. You can graduate from Harvard and become a Nobel Prize winner but when you come back home all people want to know is, "Hey, where you wen' grad?" Meaning which high school.
Moffatt knows that. And it's that kind of connection that led the former KPOI DJ to his seamless return to the radio airwaves as morning guy at KGMZ 107.9. His listeners generally are older than the music he plays -- which is older than most of the rest of us -- but they obviously hold no grudge that he disappeared off the dial for a few decades. For them, it was just yesterday, not 1960-something, that Moffatt was a "poi boy".
The other day, he asked listeners to come up with their best use of the pidgin term "s'why hard." If you don't know what that means, you haven't lived in Hawaii long enough.
"S'why hard" is short for the phrase "that's why hard" which is short for "That is why life is so hard." It's a shorthand response used by anyone trying to explain the frustration of dealing with every day life. Such as, "My car wen' broke, my dog wen' die, someone wen' cockroach my surfboard ... ho, bruddah, s'why hard."
Listening to the "s'why hard" memories on Moffatt's show reminded me of a few other phrases I had forgotten since graduating from Aiea High in '72.
"You trying?" was the worst. It was a devastating insult girls used against guys.
It was one of those perfect pidgin phrases that do double and triple duty. Girls used it to put down guys who were too obviously trying to pick them up for, uh, extracurricular physical activity.
TIMING was everything. The girl would usually talk to the guy for a few minutes, letting him build up his confidence, making him think he had a chance. Then at a key juncture, usually when other people had gathered, she'd say something like, "What? Rodney? You trying?"
It was the perfect way for the girl to let the guy -- and anyone else standing around -- know that she recognized his clumsy attempts to pick her up and that he didn't stand a chance. Actually, "you trying?" conveys a lot more contempt, along the lines of saying, "You little worm, I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the richest geek in the Math Club."
A guy could come out less psychologically damaged if he just presented his proposal directly, using the phrase "Get chance?"
This usually resulted in a snickering, derisive snort of laughter, if you were lucky. But that was better than being exposed as a nerd while trying to be suave and debonair. Plus you could use "get chance?" over and over again, theoretically -- although not actually -- multiplying your chances of getting a date.
A little less severe and more utilitarian was the phrase "no act," which was a nicer way of firmly putting someone in his place. Girls would use this against you for any general jerkiness, such as telling obviously false surf stories or claiming some bogus accomplishment.
(Guy: "I wen' catch this 30 foot wave at Bellows ..."
Girl: "No act, Rodney.")
You knew it was a particularly bad day when you had to string a bunch of these phrases together in discussing your life with your friends. Like: "Ho, I was talking to da kine and she wen', 'What? Rodney, you trying?' And I said, 'Why? Get chance?' And she wen' say, "No act.' And, ho, brah, s'why hard, eh?"
Tom Moffatt has never forgotten any of this and, so, when it comes to his morning radio show, "s'why easy, brah."