Beware the words
of the trend watchers

WE all feel victimized by the dirty business of corrupt politicians and tobacco companies, but what about the dirty business behind trends?

Trend forecasters such as Lambesis would have you believe that the whims of "trendsetters (age 14 to 30) across the country" dictate "what's about to be hot in fashion, music, lifestyle, media and advertising."

Imagine, young people are the nation's leading tastemakers. But before all that power goes to your head, realize that you are among the manipulated majority.

According to California-based advertising agency Lambesis, the Dalai Lama, basketball and girls who kick butt are in, and they say so in the "L Report," published to let people -- mainly marketers -- know what's hot.

Wanting to know more, I gave Lambesis a ring. After receiving some 15 faxed pages from a past L Report, my initial image of the agency as an innocent trend forecaster went down the drain. See, the report stated that males ages 14 to 18 are into drugs, smoking and swinging (as in sharing sex partners).

I'm 19 and not into any of the above. I'm wondering, could one year make such a big difference?

As for females, age 14 to 18, Lambesis said heroin and barbiturates are cool.

DISTURBING? Yes. But what's more disturbing is that Lambesis profits from perpetuating these trends by charging marketers $20,000 for the report.

Think about it. Disturbing trends that debut, say, in a New York City club, would remain there if not for the scoop-hunting, money-hungry companies like Lambesis, who take a few isolated examples, expose and publicize them.

This profiting from trend-making only begins with Lambesis. Next, you must meet Mr. Marketer. Subscribing to the L Report, Mr. Marketer discovers that one of the "in" things of the moment is heroin.

Because Mr. Marketer needs to market a product, like unisex cologne, he thinks up a creative way to introduce the heroin angle. Heroin, Mr. Marketer thinks, will grab the attention of potential suckers, er, consumers.

"I've got a brilliant idea," he blurts. "I'm gonna put out magazine advertisements with models who like like they're experiencing a heroin buzz. Then I'll place them next to an oversized cologne bottle!"

Mr. Marketer then sends his photographer to do the dirty work. Soon, his idea makes it into many publications and is seen by many in mainstream America.

Due to the overwhelming success of his idea, Mr. Marketer is handed a giant paycheck. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Such an ad campaign can't possibly exist, you say? It already does. Have you seen any Calvin Klein ads lately?

Fortunately, the look is dying because concerned people -- including President Clinton -- feared that youth would not only buy into the unisex cologne, but into the chic heroin look as well.

Remember what Labesis' past L Report stated? That heroin was cool? Hmmm . . .

OH, and did you see Kudos' most recent commercial in which teen-agers play a game of hoops with monks who look like cloned Dalai Lamas? Where did you hear that the Dalai Lama and basketball were cool?

Is it just a coincidence, or was the L Report the source of Kudos' commercial and the heroin look?

I asked Lambesis for the names of some subscribers in an attempt to separate coincidence from fact, but they refused to comment.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate trends. In fact, I've followed a few myself. I just detest those who perpetuate and profit from those gullible enough to buy into the more disturbing of trends.

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Warren Kaneshiro will be starting his
freshman year at the University of Hawaii at Manoa
this fall after taking a year off from school.

Rant & Rave is a Tuesday Star-Bulletin feature
allowing those 12 to 22 to serve up fresh perspectives.
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