Look out Harvard,
here I comeDitz (noun) -- a person (usually female) recognized for her blank stare, intermittent blinks, wide-eyed-automatic-turbo nod and high-pitched, gullible "REALLY?" upon finding out such startling news as the earth is truly flat.OK, so I may stare blankly at shiny surfaces for no apparent reason, and I may believe some obviously wrong things my "friends" choose to tell me, but I can't help it. I trust people. I trust that they wouldn't tell me that there is an overturned car on fire on Kalanianaole Highway (so I'd better hurry or else I'll be late) for no apparent reason besides the fact that I'll believe them. I am not gullible, just trusting. Grrr.People who don't know how I've worked my tush off to do OK academically, upon hearing I'm going to Harvard next year, reply, "How did you get into Harvard?" (Don't worry. I don't take any offense. No-o. None at all.)
So maybe I have to use my fingers when I add, if no calculator is on hand. And maybe I can't spell "embarrassed" without my spell check. It's technology's fault, I tell you! I'll admit I write a much better essay on my computer, with the little "thesaurus" button just a click away. (It's the proverbial bomb.) Here I am on my AP English exam and I forget the adjective used to describe poetry, so I use the nonexistent word "poetical." Go, me.
I also don't like telling people I've just met that I'm going to Harvard. Sure, my parents are darn proud, but if you tell your everyday teen-age peer, "Hey, I'm going to Harvard next year," they automatically assume you're a superdork (often a loaded superdork) with an attitude.
I went to a seminar where the lecturer made a crack about how she'd rather hire a person with a good attitude who never graduated from high school than a snotty Harvard type with a master's degree. I take these little comments to heart even though I haven't gone to Harvard just yet.
Then, the first question everybody asks is, "Are you going to be a lawyer?"
Um, no chance buddy. (No offense to any lawyers.) I never realized Harvard had this prototype student. I guess that was my "ditz" side shining through again. Must be dork. Must be snobby. Must become lawyer.
BOY, are they going to be sorry they accepted me. I think I'm going to tarnish their reputation. I think I already did. Just telling people I'm going there makes them wonder about the sanity of the admissions committee.
I'm not trying to be entirely self-deprecating. I did all right in high school, but I worked looong hours. I'm not one of those natural geniuses who knows everything without studying, or who catches on immediately.
I just got a new job, and the manager thought I was mildly mental since I made flash cards of the menu in order to memorize it like they told me to. Jeez. I guess that makes me a semi-dork. Also at work, my name suddenly became Harvard. As in, "Hey Harvard, Howzit?" Sigh.
Why me? It doesn't help any that I didn't get into the other notable Ivies -- Princeton or Yale. Therefore it makes it seem like even more of a freak accident that I was accepted at Harvard. At least the nice man that interviewed me didn't have to drive with me anywhere. Then for sure I wouldn't have been accepted. Sometimes I get my rights confused with my lefts, and I have this sign on my windshield that says "GO EAST!" because I have this bad habit of going west whenever I'm trying to go home, and I live in Hawaii Kai. I can't explain it.
I suppose I should be proud that I'm going to Harvard, but for some strange reason I can't help but tell people I want to marry a millionaire when they ask why I want to go there. Hey, I'd be perfectly happy to be a housewife with a $120,000 education. Even if my husband does turn out to be a lawyer.
Jennifer Hee is an Iolani School graduate
who will be attending, uh ... Harvard.Rant & Rave is a Tuesday Star-Bulletin feature
allowing those 12 to 22 to serve up fresh perspectives.
Speak up by fax at 523-8509; by answering machine at 525-8666;
snail mail at P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu 96802;
or e-mail, features@starbulletin.com