I'M off to Virginia to attend a national columnists convention so I thought I'd leave you with some interesting stories I came across on the new wire. And were pro thugs
on paid vacation?"LAS VEGAS (AP) -- Two fugitives known for their ties to a notorious Chicago street gang were arrested while vacationing in Las Vegas."
Now, this is something I never considered: murdering, drug-trafficking gang members take vacations. Who knew? Are they like the Griswalds of National Lampoon's "Summer Vacation?" Do they load up a stationwagon with crack and Uzis and head to Wallyworld? And if gangsters get vacations, what other perks do they have? Comp time? "Hey, that big drug deal cut into my lunch hour. I'm taking the afternoon off." And what do they do in Vegas? They can't rob and kill, that's their job. Maybe they enjoy drive-by craps shooting.
Here's a couple other stories that caught my eye:
BATAC, Philippines (Reuter) --Visitors used flashlights to peer at the corpse of Ferdinand Marcos after a Philippine power firm shut down electricity in his mausoleum.
MOSCOW (Reuter) -- Vladimir Zhirinovsky's Russian ultra-nationalists have waded into the latest row over the fate of the mummified remains of Lenin by proposing to buy the body and take it on a money-making road show.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If there's money to be made here, can Dead Dictator theme restaurants be far behind? You know, like a "Tyrant Hollywood," "Hard Rack Cafe," "Hold The Mao Diner" "Grillin', Chillin' & Stalin Bar-B-Q Dacha," "See Ya In Siberia Brew Pub" and "Despot Depot."
I don't have time to list all the possible dishes they'd serve, but they'd probably include: Mao Tse Tongue Sandwich, Bento Mussolini, Pinochet's Chile n' Rice and Pol Pot Roast (I know, Pol Pot's still alive. But don't hold your breath.)
Here's some more millennium madness:
LONDON (Reuter) -- British Muslims hailed what was described as a "miracle message" from God written inside a tomato.
When school girl Shaista Javed, 14, sliced the tomato in half, she found the message spelled out in Arabic by its veins, British newspapers reported.
On one side she read "There is only one God," while the other said "Mohammed is the messenger."
Talk about an abuse of divine power. Why God would chose to prove his omnipresence by hiding a message in a piece of fruit instead of, say, healing all the cancer victims, I don't know. If Moses had received God's word written on olives and dates, would he have called them the "Ten Condiments?" Lettuce pray no more miracle produce is produced.
Meanwhile:
ROME (Reuter) --The Italian government has been paying disability pensions to 30,000 dead people, some of whom passed away years ago, according to newspaper reports.
I don't know, this didn't surprise me too much, considering how well the Italian government functions most of the time. Besides, death seems like the ultimate disability.
And finally:
DALLAS (Reuter) -- Southern Baptists launched a boycott against Walt Disney Co. and its subsidiaries, accusing the entertainment giant of abandoning its wholesome image of the past to promote homosexuality.
This is a goofy idea. Of all the horrible things happening in the world, Southern Baptists choose to dump on Disney. How about boycotting countries that use child or prison labor or produce drugs? How many Baptists wear clothes made in Third World sweatshops? Are they so intolerent that they can't accept that gays like to go to theme parks, too? Poor Disney World now will be forced to rely on vacationing gang members.