Athin book came across my desk called "Hawaii For Free (Hundreds of Free Things To Do In Hawaii)," which really grabbed my interest considering I could think of only three particular things you can do for free in Hawaii and two of them are bodily functions. Charged up about
what’s free in HawaiiConsidering how thin the book is, I questioned whether it actually contained "hundreds" of free things to do in Hawaii, particularly since the book itself cost $9.95 ($13.95 Canada. Doing things for free in Hawaii apparently costs more in Canada.) But I wanted to keep an open mind, even though the book is published in Memphis, Tenn., not normally thought of as a hotbed of Hawaiiana.
The first things the book says are free on Oahu are art galleries and beach parks. But the author trips coming out of the gates by throwing in Hanauma Bay as free, which it isn't.
The book also predictably offers up various forms of entertainment as being free, although watching the Honolulu police bagpipe band practice isn't my idea of a big time. It also suggests hanging out at the Sheraton Waikiki Hotel pool during the evening to hear Henry Kapono and other musicians play. To me, this isn't really a free thing, it's more like a freeloading thing. Hotels provide entertainment to their paying guests and it's generally assumed that if you are going to crash the evening pool party, then at least you ought to spring for a soda or something.
So far, the book wasn't impressing the hell out of me.
Next, it gets into free exercise things to do, like meet up with senior citizens to walk around Ala Moana Center. This is really pushing the concept of free entertainment, since people walk around Ala Moana Center all day long. It's only cool to get something free if it's actually worth something.
IT gets even worse when the book talks about all the "free" hikes you can go on in Hawaii. For crying out loud, I could fill four books with free things to do if I included walking around shopping centers, walking through cemeteries and walking in the tall grass along the side of the road. The book was starting to tick me off.
The next part was even more stupid. It lists all the things you can "see" for free in Hawaii. Like, go to Chinatown and look at Wo Fat Restaurant. Yes, using your eyes are free, even in Hawaii. I could fill five books with free things to look at in Hawaii. I hate this book's guts.
Next, the book lists all kinds of government buildings you can go into for "free," which is a bit misleading since we actually paid to have them built. I imagine that even in Memphis you can go into City Hall without paying for it, but I doubt that's a major tourist attraction. This book sucks.
I angrily flipped through the book looking for something, anything of value that you can do for free in Hawaii. I've lived here most of my life and I've found that just about everything fun here costs money and usually it costs with a vengeance. Aha! A "Sports" section! It lists "Airplane gliding." This looked promising. But no, you can't "airplane glide" for free. You can WATCH airplane gliding for free. I want to punch someone.
By page 44, the book has dealt with all the free things to do on Oahu, which, in a nutshell consists of walking around looking at stuff and freeloading on private hotel property.
Maui, Kauai... more of the same: skulking around parks, beaches and public buildings and picking up free tourist brochures from racks. Big deal.
Bottom line: Nothing's free in Hawaii except shuffling around like a homeless person. How these guys in Tennessee could get away with putting out a book like this and charging 10 bucks is beyond me. I'm outraged. And I'm just so jealous I didn't think of it first I could scream. Which is free.