I tell you, boy, it's a lock." I said to my son Jared. "We can't lose. I guarantee it's the easiest money we'll ever make." Father and son
look alike—don’t we?"Give it up, Dad," he said.
"Come on, Jared," I pleaded. "Humor me. It's almost Father's Day."
"Not a chance. No way."
The discussion was inspired by an ad I saw in the Star-Bulletin promoting a contest at the Kahala Mall to identify the local father and son who look most alike. All Jared and I had to do was go down to the mall and have our picture taken together. They hang all the pictures on a wall and people vote for the most look-alike father and son.
As I said, it was a sure thing. How could we lose? But Jared wanted none of it.
"I hate to break it to you, Dad, but there are no two other people in the world who look less alike than you and me."
Jared Shapiro
"I'm aghast," I said. "How can you say that? We could be twins.""Get a grip, Dad. After I introduce you to people, they ask if you're my real father. I tell them no."
I asked a neutral third-party for an unbiased opinion. "Well," she said, "I guess you could say you have similar looks in the sense that I wouldn't want to run into either one of you in a dark alley."
OK, if Jared won't play I guess I'll have to take my case directly to the people. Look at the picture of me at the top of this column. Compare it to the picture of Jared. Isn't the kid a spitting image of his old man? Except for the age difference you can barely tell us apart, right?
We both have that same friendly, ear-to-ear grin on our faces all the time. Have you ever seen two more approachable guys? We're both blessed with those cute cheeks that aunties can't resist pinching. It just takes a glance at us to see that this apple didn't fall far from the tree.
Jared definitely got that Roman nose of his from me. Look how it's roamin' all over his face.
And check out his swarthy radiance, his big Casanova eyes and that thick black Valentino hair. Obviously mine, mine and mine. I hope he thanks me every time a girl throws herself at his feet.
Actually, Jared used to wear his hair much shorter. I admired it so much that I slashed my hair to a buzz cut to emulate him. He hasn't cut his hair since. I'm sure it wasn't that he didn't want to look like me. He had to give people some way to tell us apart.
I'll admit that his mustache isn't quite there yet, but he's still young. Those Filipino genes from his mother's side are a factor. I can't hog all the credit for his good looks.
"You've got to get off this look-alike kick of yours, Dad," he said. "The next thing I know you'll be wanting us to wear matching aloha shirts."
Uh oh. What am I going to do with that extra shirt I bought in Jared's size?
Well, I'll be big about it and offer my congratulations to whoever won the father-son look-alike contest at the Kahala Mall. But while you're enjoying your prize, just remember that you have it only because Jared and I didn't show up.
