That a gay lead character
By Nadine Kam
can land on prime-time television
'is a real sign that times are changing'
Assistant Features Editor
Star-BulletinTV viewers have had more than a month to get used to the idea that the Ellen Morgan character of the series "Ellen" is gay. Ditto actor Ellen Degeneres, who plays the role. The nature of sitcoms is that the story will be played for lightness and laughs. Contrast this with Carolyn Martinez Golojuch's real-life experience. She's not gay, but her son is. When he came out of the closet she had seconds to bear the full brunt of that confession.
Now, two years later, she cannot hold back her tears as she recalls the moment of impact, when her first concerns were, "Now I'll never see him be a father," and, "What will I tell my friends?"
And in thinking those thoughts, she said, "I cried for him." If a mother could betray her son with her thoughts, imagine how strangers would react. In that instant, she saw his future, and it wasn't pretty.
To be gay in America is to be hated and condemned. And looking beyond Ellen's story, one realizes that to be a friend of gays in America is to be mistrusted and avoided. For every gay or lesbian who comes out, there are straight friends and family members who often opt for stealth tactics worthy of the CIA to mask that fact, rather than endure the pain of coming out.
ABC
Ellen DeGeneres, left, senses a kindred spirit when she
meets a gay woman who enlightens her to her own sexual identity.
Confused by this self-discovery , Ellen seeks the guidance of
a therapist, played by Oprah Winfrey, right, in this
much anticipated episode of "Ellen."
Today Golojuch heads PFLAG Oahu, a support group for "Parents, Families, Friends of Lesbians and Gays." She offers empathy and advice, answers questions, and often, a shoulder to cry on.PFLAG and Hula's Bar & Lei Stand are co-hosting an "Ellen" party when "The Episode" airs tomorrow. Patrons will be able to sign a graffiti wall which will be sent to the star.
Other "Ellen" parties will take place at Windows on Eaton Square, and the Student Services Center, Room 211, at the University of Hawaii at Manoa; and the Gay and Lesbian Education and Advocacy Foundation will mark the event at the home of foundation director Bill Woods.
Although Woods said that gay characters on TV are nothing new, "We thought we should do something. We started organizing it last Friday."
What's most special about "Ellen," he said, is that it is timely in showing "that the media is getting in touch with reality. There've always been gay people; they've just ignored it."
Although pre-episode uproar has had the American Family Association calling for a boycott of the show's advertisers; the Rev. Jerry Falwell urging advertisers to drop the show; and the ABC affiliate WBMA in Birmingham, Ala., refusing to air the episode, Woods said he doesn't expect much of a backlash after the episode airs.
"The stink now is the stench that always comes from the people who have the most to lose. The Pat Robertsons, Jerry Falwells and Mike Gabbards are going to be the big losers when people have knowledge about gays," he said.
That a gay lead character can land on prime-time TV, Golojuch said, "is a real sign that times are changing. It's things like this that will make the world a safer place for my son. I look forward to the day when there wouldn't be such a thing as gay-bashing.
"Right now, I can go any place with whoever I want to go with. But if I were gay, I would have to be careful about where I go and who I'm seen with. That's like being in prison."
Associated Press
Ann Heche, right, with Ellen Degeneres at a
Washington dinner Saturday, has Hollywood
in a bind about how to handle a gay actor who
has built a career on heterosexual roles.
Golojuch said she watched "Ellen" only a few times in the past. Now that she's more aware of gays, she says, "I do sort of wonder (about others' orientation), but part of me says, 'Carol, get a life! Who cares?' "Not everyone has a life.
Golojuch has received hate mail and phone messages -- always anonymous -- telling her to leave the islands because she is "ruining Hawaii."
She's been frequenting the Legislature this year, campaigning for marriage rights for gays, and she hates that the issue is referred to as "same-sex marriage."
"That's the hot button. When you put 'sex' in the title it makes people crazy. They lose all common sense. They lose respectability. They go off on one word."
While Golojuch argued at the Legislature that government has no business lurking in people's bedrooms, she said one speaker cried out, "Well, that's our right."
"I'm heterosexual and I was offended by that," Golojuch said. "I don't want anyone looking in my bedroom window."
PFLAG fields many calls from parents who have questions, but who never show up at meetings because they have much to lose by association. "For many," Golojuch said, "it means walking away from your family, friends and church if they can't accept it."
Golojuch left the Catholic Church because of its anti-gay rhetoric. And although she considered leaving the Republican party because its "family values" doctrine somehow doesn't extend to family members who are gay, she said, "I refuse to walk away anymore. There's too much work to be done.
"It took 70 years for women to get the right to vote ... I won't accept that it will take that long for people to accept gays. It's been a 20-year battle, so any day now. The baby is ready to burst!"
David Morehouse, executive director of the Gay & Lesbian Community Center, isn't quite as optimistic. He said that although it's getting easier for gays to go public, the persecution "has been going on for all time, so I think it will go on for all time."
He said critics will always find fault in others' deeds, gender, ethnicity, political aspirations and religion. "We're just another minority," he said. "It's not just gays."
A gay revelation
What: "Ellen"
