COMEDIAN Ellen DeGeneres had an opportunity that few gay or lesbian actors ever get: to show she is talented and gay, not gay and talented. Ellen episode
an overblown outburstBut the hysteria that surrounds her so-called "coming out" this week, in which her sitcom character announces she is a lesbian, has caused the entire event to "DeGenerate" into the intractable battle between angry gays and angry anti-gays.
It's too bad. Because Ellen, the person, is so talented and genuinely likable. Had the television show been allowed to proceed in its unique way, slowly introducing average viewers to the fact that gays exist in our society, that their everyday lives are like everyone else's and that they are no threat to the rest of us, Ellen would have won over thousands of open-minded viewers.
First of all, anyone who watches "Ellen," the show, already knew she was gay. Every show had some sort of sly, yet funny, allusion to her gayness. If she was in a closet, it was a closet big enough for a 747 to take off in.
I always felt that Ellen, the person, was smart enough to know that what was needed to help gays gain acceptance in society was education. She had a gentle way of educating people about the issue. A way that was not angry, accusatory or insulting.
That fact is, everyone knows someone who is gay. Many just don't know they know it. This isn't ignorance. It's just that for many people, especially in a place like Hawaii, where most efforts at inclusion have been along racial lines, homosexuality has not been an issue. It is pointless to get angry at members of, say, an immigrant family for allegedly not being in favor of same-sex marriage. My god, they haven't had time to even think about it. A person's sexual preference wasn't exactly an important issue during the past 60 years, when Hawaii's immigrants were fighting for basic human and political rights.
AND yet, many gays are angry when they see polls that say a majority of people do not support gay marriage. And some legislators -- self-appointed civil rights guardians -- insult these people by saying essentially that they aren't smart enough to make a decision on gay marriage.
And so, the same-sex marriage debate breaks down into shouting matches between extremists on each side, leaving the middle befuddled and uninformed.
But the folks in the middle are the ones that Ellen DeGeneres was reaching. Not by spouting angry gay slogans such as "We're Here, We're Queer and We're In Your Face!" But by simply being herself. She is an actor and she is gay.
But that wasn't good enough for the gay extremists. Now they have converted her into being gay first, actor second. And that has wiped out some of the middle ground that Ellen had carefully gained. By turning Ellen's "coming out" into a spectacle, the extremists on both sides have chased the middle away and have settled into their comfortable bunkers where they are assured of only solidifying each side's hatred of each other. And the befuddlement of the middle.
Gay activists hurt their own cause by not recognizing two things: 1) They will never win over the religious right and 2) They need the support of the middle.
You don't win over the middle by keeping up a running battle with zealots on the other side. Or by calling those in the middle names, accusing them of being ignorant and trying to shove legislation down their throats.
You win over the middle by showing that gays are people, just trying to get through life like everyone else.
Ellen, the actor and the character, showed that in the most entertaining and enjoyable way. Unfortunately, after this week, she's liable to be just another pop icon, exploited by the fringe on both sides.