Changing Hawaii

By Diane Yukihiro Chang

Friday, February 28, 1997

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Either ya got business
manners or ya don't

WHILE examining the daily deluge of junk mail, a large white envelope catches my eye. "Do you make these mistakes at business meetings?" questions a big, bold headline.

Under that ominous title is artist's rendering of a cocktail party, where about a dozen white-collar executives smile and make small talk.

"There are 12 social 'sins' being committed here," says the caption. "How many can you spot? If you're guilty of any one of these, you could seriously hurt your career."

Golly, this is serious. Can't see anything wrong with the cartoon figures hobnobbing at the party -- other than all of the guys are wearing suits and ties instead of untucked-in aloha shirts.

Tear open the envelope. Notice the name on mass mailing's return address: Letitia Baldridge. La-dee-da. She is former White House social secretary to Jacqueline Onassis and nationally recognized goddess of good taste and public behavior.

Start to panic. What social gaffes are depicted in cartoon? Am desperately seeking enlightenment!

Ignore wordy eight-page letter from Letitia explaining how, for "just" $197, anyone can develop perfect business manners by reading her deluxe, fully indexed and tabbed, 350-page binder and handy monthly newsletter.

Set aside superfluous pamphlets emblazoned with warnings like, "How NOT to make a FOOL of yourself" and "One wrong move could destroy your career."

Eureka! Finally find answer sheet detailing social sins to avoid at business cocktail party. They include:

"Always hold your drink in your left hand, so you can shake someone's right hand easily, without fuss . . . and without making your own hand cold and clammy." (Ummm, what happens if you have glass in left hand and plate piled high with pupus in the other, as is customary in Honolulu?)

"A limp handshake suggests you are insecure and unsure of yourself. Make yours firm." (Amen. Males are often guilty of shaking women's hands as if they were made of porcelain. Don't worry, female executives won't break. In fact, they are much tougher than imagined.)

"Unless you are old friends who always hug when meeting each other, the only safe place to touch another person is the hand, when you shake hands." (Yes, yes, yes! Please, men, don't automatically hug and kiss a woman in greeting if you don't know her very well. Unless, of course, you smooch and embrace every man you meet, too.)

HEY, Letitia Baldridge's Executive Advantage program seems to make a lot of sense. Ponder whether to buy the darn thing.

Notice that discounted $200 price throws in free box of Crane note cards as thoughtful gift. Hmmmm.

Start to read about Letitia herself, who admits to making "enough serious gaffes to last a normal person's lifetime."

She recalls that once at a reception in Rome, when India and Pakistan were at war, she introduced the new ambassador from Pakistan to the entire diplomatic corps as the new ambassador of India.

He was so humiliated that he fled the reception, even though he was the event's guest of honor.

As we say in the islands, make "A"!

Author's credibility takes giant nosedive, like a leap off the Pali Lookout. Decide to neatly "file" her correspondence with rest of junk mail, where it quite properly belongs.